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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

86th email

From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Thursday June 21st, 1999 12:24PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE Matrix and Election

Hey Stacey,

I’ve been thinking more about time – how I relate to it – and I think I was too flippant in my previous email.

Here’s how I relate to time:
I wanted it to be faster when I was younger.
I want it to surprise me currently.
And I suspect I’ll want it to slow down in years to come.

Oh, man, I think that sounds twee.

I might try again. Here’s how I relate to time:
It shits me. Honestly. Time shits me.

The reason: I’ve done so many stupid things in my life I need to blame something.

So from this moment on: I blame you! Time!

Because I would like that time again, Time. You tease me with the concept – but it’s a lie.

You lie, Time!!

You’re fickle too. Why do you keep switching it up on us? You take an hour away and give it back according to what? Daylight saving? Fuck off, Time.

Not only that, but you blatantly self promote as well.
You’re everywhere. You’re on my bedside table, you’re on my wrist, you’re on the microwave and you’re on top of the Suncorp building. You’re even the top of these emails always putting your two cents in.

So what are you selling? Huh? What is the deal with such constant advertising? What’s your product?

Is it death?

Good product, Time, good product.


Hey and Time; what’s with the image shifts? Do you have body image issues, Time? Don’t you know who you are, Time? Do you have to constantly change your appearance to get attention?

I mean, one moment you’re an hour glass, the next moment you’re a digital watch. Make up your mind, Time. No one will be able to relate to you, Time if you have so many disguises.

So be yourself and stop hiding behind your brands; then maybe you might find love.

Finally Time, what’s with your humour?

What’s with this thing you call ‘dramatic irony?’

Where is the gag in what you call ‘bad timing!?’

How is there a joke in, ‘He likes her, she likes someone else, he then likes someone else and she ends up liking him.’
That’s not funny, time; really not that funny.


PS And OCD is just Time offering a no-win duel. This is what Time would say if you challenged it:

Time – Do you want to fight me? You can fight me if you want. Pistols at Dawn. But apologies in advance - I might be late.


  1. "How is there a joke in, 'He likes her, she likes someone else, he then likes someone else and she ends up liking him.'
    That's not funny, time; really not that funny."

    That was the most clever line(s?) in any email on this page. It's great to know he took the time to set this whole email up and hit her right in the face with the "joke." After sitting on the fence since a little after the spilled drink scenario, I am now 100% Team Marcus.

    I've been a reader since May(ish), but this is my first time commenting. I thought his reply was that brilliant.

  2. Oh my God that was hilarious.

  3. Great stuff! Dom is really on top his literary game with this one. She must really hate him a little after the last 3 emails.

  4. Wow, I can't believe he was that blatant with it!!
    No-one just SAYS that!
    And considering she hasn't explicitly stated it, the only thing she can do really, is lash out and push him back.
    Of course, she could admit it, but really, who sees Stacey being that honest with someone else, let alone herself?
    If a guy wrote that to me, even if it were true, I'd feel hurt and a bit humiliated, I think.

  5. This is one of my favourite e-mails by Dom.
    As always, he has a way with words. It’s like poetry.
    But there seems to be a message behind his words.
    I believe he really thinks that all this relationship stuff has happened with BAD TIMING.
    Stacy got with Marcus and he got with Elsa.
    Nothing seems to go right.
    And maybe he is clever enough to see that maybe Stacy is actually owning up to wanting to be him now. Seems to be the case when he wrote:

    “Finally Time, what’s with your humour?
    What’s with this thing you call ‘dramatic irony?’
    Where is the gag in what you call ‘bad timing!?’
    How is there a joke in, ‘He likes her, she likes someone else, he then likes someone else and she ends up liking him.’
    That’s not funny, time; really not that funny.”

    I loved it when Dom says: “You’re fickle too. Why do you keep switching it up on us? You take an hour away and give it back according to what? Daylight saving? Fuck off, Time.”

    I love Dom’s humour.

    I really needed a laugh (mostly right now).

    In other news, I haven't heard from the bookstore. Sadly, I don't think I got the job. They did say they interviewed about 100 people for seasonal positions. But I did look into the employment center at school so I'm not giving up. But it is frustrating.

    Also, being one of the older students in a writing class sucks too. What angers me is doing group work and people doing work at the last minute -- never reading their stuff over or have someone edit it for them. I hate having my marks suffer. One happy note, I'll have a week break in 2 weeks...yay!

  6. I love this. I love Dom. Way to redeem yourself, dude, in my eyes at least, for being such a douche. Even if it was because you were hurt.

    Of course... something like this doesn't come from the mind of someone who writes "just checking in" messages, or makes "just saying hello" phone calls. None of that was real. He's so calculating, but then it's like he feels guilty for holding back. I really hear his voice in this one, more so than any other.

    If Stacey ever started doubting her love for him, that doubt MUST be gone now, yeah? How could you not love someone who writes like that... just for you, for your eyes only.

    The subject is still Matrix and Election. I find that irritating.

  7. Epic! Dom is great. Just great.

  8. Oh goodness, I think I'm in love with Dom.
    This reminds me of one of those one man shows at little cafes with open mic night. His crazy rambling is amazing, it reminds me of myself. The fact that he makes time into a person and equates all of these truly human attributes to it is fantastic. I think based on what I see here, Time is a bit of a bitch.
    That line where he sums up their entire relationship in just a few words is brilliant. Hopefully Stacey has a shit fit and finally admits how she feels purely out of anger that he already figured it out for himself. Did anyone notice that he never said anything about still having feelings for her, he only implied that she has feelings for him again and that now he's unavailable. Brilliant. She'll probably analyze the hell out of that while trying to figure out if he meant that he still feels the same.
    Honestly even if he does I don't think he'll do anything until he knows exactly how she feels, not because he figured it out, but because she finally says it out loud......Or until Elsa fucks up as I now truly believe she will.
    Maybe she already has?
    Anyways, sorry for the rambling (see just like Dom, I think its an ADD thing). Stephanie, I'm sorry that you didn't get the job, after reading your stuff I think I would hire you :). Good luck with further applications, I know exactly how you feel right now, I'm looking too.

  9. "So be yourself and stop hiding behind your brands; then maybe you might find love."
    REALLY that's about 'time'? REALLY?
    Also, Stephen, can I ask what made you pick the names Dom, Stacey, Elsa and Marcus? Assuming that you gave them fake names...

  10. Zombie, welcome to the comments. Great to hear from you. I agree, I think this reply of Dom's is classic. I loved it too.

    Though I have to ask. 100% team Marcus!!?? Really? Why?

  11. Andy, you're hilarious. And what film did you watch on Halloween?

  12. Chris D', yes it's great to read Dom's lit' skill at play again. He really pulls it out when he needs it.

  13. Stephanie, I didn't pick the fickle allusion in Dom's email. Nicely gathered. It's a really interesting jab. It made me go abcl and reread the text and ponder if he's being quite deliberate in his choices. Not only critiqing her but his own actions too.

    Bugger to hear about the job. Their loss. Truly. But I'm sure there's something better around the corner.

    And in regard to class - being a little more committed isn't just about age, I think - I also think it's about caring. And you obviously care more. So (for what it's worth) run your own race and screw them. You're skilled. They aint.

  14. Kimberly, I love Dom too. He is sneaky. He does try to make it look effortless (and we know it isn't)

    But what an appealing quality. My wife reminded me of something Karl Lagerfeld said in Lagerfeld Confidential:

    "You do work hard. But I hate hard workers. Things must appear to be casual. You have to be serious but don't flaunt it. Like being politically correct: be so but don't go on about it."

    I think Dom does this wonderfully - he's not giong on about how much he puts in. He indeed is attempting to be the epitome of casual.

    Finally - sorry to say the email titles remain for a bit. But change soon. :)

  15. Oops sorry Fyfee, missed your comment. And it is interesting. It makes me wonder how this made Stacey feel. I guess we'll have to wait.

  16. Mariya, welcome to the comments.
    (Or have I read one of yourse before - sorry if I've forgotten.

    Kudos for the word epic. Love it. Needs to be used more.

    You are epic.

    That's a start.

  17. Steph T, "shit fit."
    Love it. Like Epic it's a term that needs to be used more.

    "Time's a bitch." Love it as well (Though coincidentally this comes up)

    Great response and sweet comment to Stephanie. Good on you. Not sure if you guys know but you come from the same part of the world, I think.

  18. Fyfee, hello again--
    I think the branded comment could be about his own persona. But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

    And you're right, I have changed names. The names are random except Dom and Stacey are names I've used before, notably in my first feature, City Loop. The central characters are called D and S there and I've felt some odd connection to them.

  19. being late for a meeting with it love it!!!! ...adore dom when he plays his verbal jazz...

    i feel like there is generosity in this reply...not point scoring ...connection again and very delicately addressing what they both know needs to be said... would like that time again, he says...i think i know which moments he would replay...but its a lie he no going back...only ever forward.

    he seems such an ethical guy here...he lets her know he knows she likes him...he lets her know he likes someone else right now...he lets her know he doesnt belittle her feelings or find humour in her pain.. he lets her know he feels regret without ever devaluing his new relationship...
    i think this is a really impressive email...funny generous intelligent ethical and kind.. and i hope stacey thinks so too... WW

  20. At first I was mad Dom dedicated so much writing to Stacy.. it was well worth it however after that brash last paragraph.

    I also love his interpretation of time in a duel. "Time – Do you want to fight me? You can fight me if you want. Pistols at Dawn. But apologies in advance - I might be late."

    I'll use Mariya's word of the day for my thoughts on it.. "Epic finish Dom, bravo!"

    This really made my day... I'm just sad I now have to wait until Sunday to read Stacy's reply. (if there is one)

  21. Wow, I just love this reponse from Dom. Painful! Ouch. I can't wait to read the resonse.

    I re-read the very first email from Dom, as a comparison. I know you said you've changed the names of the main characters but in the first email there's a bit about the name Dom and it's meaning. How did you do that??

  22. Dayyyyyyum, Dom. I mean, really, SAH-NAP. You got her on that one. But really, you just got Time. I'm impressed. When he was getting boring and she was getting tragic, he nailed it RIGHT ON THE HEAD. Way to go, man, Way to go. Good one.

  23. i think everyone has missed something vitally important that i think Stacey will pick up on.

    Dom is pissed off with the timing. Which can only mean that he's still in love with Stacey. If he wasnt, he wouldnt be that peeved off with Time(ing) and he'd let it slide.

    i read the start and thought..huh? what's Dom doing here? its not the usual Dom tone.

    Addressing Time as a person with attributes was interesting, but i think Dom had this planned from the start. His previous email may have actually been a stalling mechanism and intentionally short to pique Staceys interest in the email and allowed himto buy some time and help him think this up.

    The ending was great. One of the best few lines he's written. But i think the last few lines came to him first. He worked backwards to set up the final punchline.

  24. I haven't been commenting in a while but I have been reading... the comments & the mails (i can never decide which affect me more!) but this mail... it just broke me down

    he's funny, he's witty, he's been hurt -- wants to hurt back but doesn't want to hurt back -- he wants to impress but doesn't want to come out and make a stand, he wants to say a thousand things but keep them all inside, he wants to move on but doesn't wanna let go, he wants to be tough but doesn't wanna b the softie...

    i so relate to it or maybe im twisting around his meanings to fit my perspective? but thats what true art does, doesn't it? and isn't this... all of this, a work of art? these amazing pieces of art the writers call a mail trail... the amazing art that the writers call comments... the beautiful relationships, the friendship, the camaraderie... seem like a abstract piece of art with random splashes of colour... that means so much as part of a beautiful collective

    but yes... his words feel like home right now... i wish i cud use them for the many times iv been rejected! it feels like a battlecry for us amazing ppl who've been told we're not worth the wait by those not-so-amazing ppl out there... so Dom --- thank you

    @stephanie-- the bookstore is such a loser for having lost u... for what its worth... when i start my store... u will always have pride of place as honorary employee

  25. I agree with nabs - Dom is hurt because the timing couldnt be worse! He's not mad at Stacey, he's mad at Time and its 'joke' of Bad Timing.

    I really hope Stacey can see that, and not get angry/upset with Dom. Its bittersweet, and maybe for now that romance-that-could-have-been won't ever be.

    But maybe a new romance between D&S will have a chance later on.

    PS Stephanie, sorry to hear about yoru job. Keep looking and the perfect job will find you! :-)

  26. I haven't commented for a while, because I lost my voice. I don't think hands should betray the mouth so I didn't, which is why I don't masturbate. I like the word 'elfin' and was wondering whether you could use it more in this blog. It's an effective way to describe people who look like elves.

    Neville Taylor

  27. Posting from my personal life is not something i do on here. Sure I have blogs other places that some, if only a very few may see, but this email really stuck with me. To say I am Dom would put everyone in an uproar of questions, but I am, not literally of course, but I think all of us are to an extent. I know the pain of being in love with someone and loving them with everything inside of me, but because of time not being right it didn't work. Time isn't the sole culprit here, there are also bad decisions to blame, but the fact is after a time of being beaten down by life we tend to grab onto anything or anyone that gives us some comfort. I've been in love, and i've been the victim of time. To meet the person you truly believe is your soul mate, no to reconnect with them after 15 years only to find out they are in a horrible marriage, but a marriage nonetheless. To try and be patient to wait and wait, but to feel like you're spinning your wheels while your enemy, time is pointing his pistols at you... It's no fun, and I think more than anything I admire Dom's courage here. You guys are getting a different take on it than me and that's ok. You guys see it as a jab or a humorous bit he's threw in. The truth is Dom is hurt because I think more than anything he feels Stacey is his soul mate and he didn't wait. He's letting her know how he feels and is in a sense extending an olive branch... Stacey, I don't think will see it this way... If Dom and i are as much alike as I think we are, Dom will receive a bit of cold shoulder or backlash... maybe both. Sorry to ramble. And here's to hoping that Dom has the patience to endure, and that we all find our Dom's and Stacey's

  28. WW, verbal jazz. What a great description of Dom's rhythms. As always - I delight in your responses. Are you a writer?

  29. PennyPup, mad? I'm curious as to why. I agree it is an 'epic' finish but are you suggesting that Dom is falling again?

  30. Rebecca, what a great idea to re-read the first email and this most recent. I've just done it myself and it's fascinating. He seems to have matured in this short amount of time.

    In regard to your question. luckily his real name and the translating meaning where similar and one of the reasons I selected Dom to begin with.

    Don't want to say too much more as it could give real names away.

  31. A Man de Clark; up with Epic and shitfit - I call Snap as equal words of wonder connected to this post.

  32. nabs, love your deconstruction of Dom's style. I think it's hughly possibly that he had this email constructed already and had it sitting in drafts; tinkering with it - trying to make it perfect. I know I've been guilty of that.

    And yes - I one hundred percent agree that he's still in love with her. I am.

  33. Ipshi, you are a delight. Those out there that don't realise it are truly fools. You have so muich to give. Smarts (in the way you reply so eloqunetly) emotional smarts (in the way you acknowledge you might be twisting the readint to your perspective) and kindness (the way you offer Stephanie the goods)

    Don't know why - but felt it might be decent to mention.

  34. Miss Holly, it's so lovely to have your comments when they pop up. And I am so on your side when you suggest there might be a chance for them later on. I love that hope.

  35. Neville, good to hear from you again. I was a little worried that you might drift away. But to know you're reading and engaging makes me smile.

  36. Chris, so much to say. This is an amazing response. So simple but so deep. Heartbreaking and real and generous (which I suspect you truly are)

    I have to confess, I had a lump in my throat reading it. Really. And even now as I respond; I'm only just holding it together.

    I hope others do too as it's an astonishing reply to the dialogue that these comments offer.

    Also please feel free to mention your blog in the comments. We'd all love to read more, I'm sure.

  37. You'll definitely learn some things about me if you keep up.

  38. Hey Chris I agree with you completely re doms heart and I am humbled by the beautiful way you shared yours. WW

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  40. Fyfee thats hilarious! And Kimberley i totally agree! this is so good. And subliminal. I was wondering whether it was just me reading beyond the words while i read it, but right at the end of the punchline. And someone said - "who just say THAT!??" - i reckon. Good on him. Good on him for tearing the guts out of a the past few emails where Stace has been treating everything is peachy, though it obviously isnt for her.

    And if one of the two had to put it out there, it should have been Dom. So good on him for doing so!

    And all the anger, and frustration, written on the surface, but directed at time! BTW he has done this before - about his PC, when he wasn't going to email Stace for a week (ithink??) Well time has appeared to have been Stacey's sidekick all this while - what with all the 'living in the moment' BS. Well. Here it is. Everything she ever wanted. All bottled up in a neat little package. And on another level, how can she be offended by that? She asked for it. She got it. Dom's just then helped her realise it. All of it.

    PS, Chris you're hilarious - i know I WENT IN COMPLETE UPROAR AS YOU SAID THAT HAHAHAHA and then i slowly digressed hahahah - quite a peak though haha :P Funny. And i do agree with you about time and heart break. And falling for that one person you think you could be with forever.. just at the wrong time. I've done that. And now months on. I've come to realise I've done this before with other girls. But after her. Nothing else has been the same. ..And im beginning to wonder now, whether you only TRULLY fall, once. Once, properly. Once forever. And here comes time again, with the vulture-like sense of eternity and despair. I have to wonder if those other times were just minor stumbles? And how does lust fit into all of this?? I wish i knew what lust was.. but i get the feeling lust is just what doesn't fit in, when you are in love. It's the other thing. Not that i can be certain about what love even is at this stage in my life. Its just a word isnt it? To label the unexplainable.. Anyway i digress on my tangent.

    If only we could get timing right Chris. If only.

    I feel ya, Dom. Totally.


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