To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Thursday June 21st, 1999 12:24PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE Matrix and Election
I’ve been thinking more about time – how I relate to it – and I think I was too flippant in my previous email.
Here’s how I relate to time:
I wanted it to be faster when I was younger.
I want it to surprise me currently.
And I suspect I’ll want it to slow down in years to come.
Oh, man, I think that sounds twee.
I might try again. Here’s how I relate to time:
It shits me. Honestly. Time shits me.
The reason: I’ve done so many stupid things in my life I need to blame something.
So from this moment on: I blame you! Time!
Because I would like that time again, Time. You tease me with the concept – but it’s a lie.
You lie, Time!!
You’re fickle too. Why do you keep switching it up on us? You take an hour away and give it back according to what? Daylight saving? Fuck off, Time.
Not only that, but you blatantly self promote as well.
You’re everywhere. You’re on my bedside table, you’re on my wrist, you’re on the microwave and you’re on top of the Suncorp building. You’re even the top of these emails always putting your two cents in.
So what are you selling? Huh? What is the deal with such constant advertising? What’s your product?
Is it death?
Good product, Time, good product.
Hey and Time; what’s with the image shifts? Do you have body image issues, Time? Don’t you know who you are, Time? Do you have to constantly change your appearance to get attention?
I mean, one moment you’re an hour glass, the next moment you’re a digital watch. Make up your mind, Time. No one will be able to relate to you, Time if you have so many disguises.
So be yourself and stop hiding behind your brands; then maybe you might find love.
Finally Time, what’s with your humour?
What’s with this thing you call ‘dramatic irony?’
Where is the gag in what you call ‘bad timing!?’
How is there a joke in, ‘He likes her, she likes someone else, he then likes someone else and she ends up liking him.’
That’s not funny, time; really not that funny.
PS And OCD is just Time offering a no-win duel. This is what Time would say if you challenged it:
Time – Do you want to fight me? You can fight me if you want. Pistols at Dawn. But apologies in advance - I might be late.