Posts
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Thursday July 18th, 1999 9:01 AM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE Had an adventure
So are you guys back together?
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: Dom Borax
Sent: Thursday July 18th July 1999, 22:31 PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE Had an adventure
I don’t think so…I don’t think I want it…but things are different…he’s been staying here and not reading before going to sleep…sex is better and he shuts up when I tell him to shut up…
I am a little confused.
How’s things with Elsa?
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Friday July 19th, 1999 8:51 AM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE RE Had an adventure
Things are fine with Elsa. But we both hope that you’re looking after yourself. Of course we support you in whatever decision you make.
Dxx
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: Dom Borax
Sent: Friday July 19th July 1999, 21:05 PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE RE RE Had an adventure
Hang on a second… your email sounds final…I’m not making any decision here…
I’m not thinking of returning to Marcus or leaving…indeed this seems quite pure…we’re just in this moment together…yes it’s intimate…but I have found that sex is the closest I get to being in the moment…and if I shut out the fantasy and just focus on the physical it’s perfect…
I know Marcus isn’t quite in the moment…but I don’t care…he’s only a few beats behind or ahead…and we’re not fighting and I’m in control…
So to have you mention that I need to make a choice about being with him or leaving him indefinitely is really insulting…
And patronising…
I mean, come on, Dom…where do you get off? You’ll support whatever decision I make?
You sound like this councillor my mother made me see when I was fifteen…she wouldn’t take a position either…instead playing both sides in a crude attempt to make it seem that she truly understood…
…but she didn’t…she didn’t understand either position…but fuck me if she was going to reveal that…no…she had to stay that one professional step ahead of me because it made her feel better…
I still see her sometimes in the Library…and she pretends to not know me…
I’m going now before I get really angry…
This 'in the moment' pretence Stacey creates for herself seems to be such a load of bull.
ReplyDeleteHer situation now seems to be "I don't think I want Marcus. But if I block out all signs that i'm with him, and feel in the moment, I can at least enjoy the sex and believe that it's synonymous with love. And now that i've frightened him with the threat of breaking up he's my marionette."
And then, she sums herself up perfectly in five words: "I am a little confused."
Her shallow pretence is crumbling. There's a thread there that needs pulling for the whole thing to unravel.
And Dom, instead of pursuing that thread — presumably because he's still smarting after the dramatic turn their relationship has taken (and I don't blame him, it's hard to think clear after a sucker punch) – responds with the weak and ineffectual "Of course we support you in whatever decision you make."
There's a reason moves like that are not allowed in a game of chess — it's foolish to put yourself in checkmate.
I find myself agreeing with Stacey in her uproar at this comment. And I fear that, instead of opening some truthful new line of dialogue — the bullshit pretence that they're both clinging to is growing tiresome for us readers, and burdensome for our star-crossed lovers — and confronting Stacey with an uproar of his own regarding her 'sucker punch' emails as he should do, Dom will place his tail between his legs and apologise.
All is lost if Dom doesn't get angry now.
And Jamie has put it perfectly. You can have 5 internets for that.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I feel that she's just using her "in the moment" life-choice to try and justify what she's been doing but instead she's (Did I just put an in-the-moment comment there?) just making things worse for Dom.
I really don't like Stacey... never have ! Dom puts up with her because he sees the person she could become. She won't because she is way too self indulgent and possibly a bit thick.
ReplyDeleteI hasten to add that I'm completely hooked !
Ohhhh, this is weird. I'm listening to the radio and reading this and Thin Lizzy's 'Still in Love With You' came on.
ReplyDeleteOk... so here's the thing. Stacey is so afraid of letting her guard down and being with someone that can actually hurt her that the moment she felt her guard slipping (your my favorite thing)she had to find something to pull it right back up so Dom couldn't get close. She's afraid of true love and all it entails. She knows that if she does give in to Dom that she will fall completely in love with him. If that happens he actually will have the ability to hurt her... What she and Dom fail to see however, is that he already has that ability. You don't get this close to somebody and have him be your rock without giving a little... she thought telling him she liked him was the guard dropper, when in all actuality it started from the time she started telling him intimate things about herself. Sometimes I swear Stephen has got this from my computer... seriously... at any rate... Dom's backpedal may have hurt his cause but her attack should make him step up his game and put the truth out there, after all what's he got to lose? This friendship is so fragile that it either needs to be taken care of and allowed to grow or thrown away... There comes a time when it's time to put up or shut up... For Dom the time is NOW!!!
ReplyDeleteHe asked if they were still together; looking for hope.
ReplyDeleteShe sensed this and backpedaled, saying that it was essentially nothing.
Then she asked if he was still with Elsa; also looking for hope.
He's with Elsa.
HE'S WITH ELSA!
Stacey is pissed because Dom is leading her on.
'Where does he get off' as she put it.
Dom needs to commit to Stacey or to Elsa but not 'play both sides'.
Pick One!!!
notice how the sign offs have disappeared?
ReplyDeleteno more "love Stacey: or "love Dom" sign offs. a sure tale sign that this aint looking so rosy.
this girl needs medication. i honestly think she's bipolar. she's a world away from that sweet girl that went to visit the old guy at his house. The sweet stacey is an imposter. This is the real stacey, and she's just a total bitch.
ive been quiet over the last few emails. just reading , watching waiting, but im getting sick of this game. Dom had a chance and he asked her if she wanted to go for dinner. Go for the Kill you softcock! quit standing on the sideline because that's not what stacey's looking for. My alpha-male theory still stands.
dom will never learn.
I think Dom's only problem is that he bothered about Stacey in the first place ! I hope he gets another girlfriend and throws his tainted computer away !
ReplyDeleteStacey's perpetual state of emotional bewilderment is her "Russell". And we all saw what happened there.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jamie. We need to see Dom get angry.
Dear Stacey,
ReplyDeleteI never meant to patronize you. Most people would suggest it is unhealthy to continue in an emotionally unsatisfying relationship, and I admit I presumed you would need to choose whether this recent behavior was simply a catharsis and some necessary steam-letting, or a favorable step towards restructuring your relationship with Marcus. If you simply wish to keep fucking this now emasculated and well-cowed man for your own gratification, who am I to comment or judge.
Love,
Dom
"Dear Stacey,
ReplyDeleteTits or GTFO
Love,
Dom"
Fix'd anon
Chris I have to agree with you comments, I think you right about Stacey being to scared and this is her reaction, yes Dom is with Elsa (although it could be argued that they do live together so it may not actually still be a committed relationship - if it ever was) But I think part of Stacey's reaction is to the fact that Dom did say that he and Elsa are fine not the fact that he was being patronising, because I dont think he is, he could of said 'Stacey you are an idiot for staying in this relationship with marcus' whcih I am sure is how he feels, but I think she would have reacted just as badly to that. I do think Dom is trying to play supportive friend, which is all she has allowed him to be.
ReplyDeleteShe is the one that threw the relationship away in the first place by hooking up with marcus and I think she is petrified of letting soemone in too close and having a grown up realtionship.
I have to comment on the counsellor thing though (which is because that is what I am!)I find it interesting that she has had this proffesional intervention before and perhaps it is a confimation that Stacey is not the most emotionally healthy girl around (although I am still to work out what "emotionally healthy" actually looks like) but I do beleive that she wants people to side with her and make her decisions for her, then she has some one else to blame for mistakes, and the fact that she uses "being in the moment" to hide behind just clarifies for me that she is ill equiped to be responsible for her own actions. I find that people who are not ready to help themselves (yes that is work jargon lol) find fualt in those who are trying to help as Stacey has done when describing the expereince with the counsellor. Although dont get me wrong we (counsellors) are certainly not the experts and there are plently out there who do enjoy a power trip sadly.
Sorry i think I ranted for a while there :-)
Cindy
If I were Dom I believe my letter would be as follows:
ReplyDeleteDear Stacey,
My letter was never meant to cause anger. The fact is your being "in the moment" has you switching sides so often I don't know what position to take. I want to be on your side. I want to take that position but I don't think you even know what side you're on. God forbid someone actually love you or support you, and not use you for an object to shag while the moment presents itself. If all I am is a friend to you then I would think the support would be what you are looking for. I think you are afraid someone can make you feel something real. The truth is, I think I'm wasting my time with Elsa, you're wasting your time with Marcus, and I wish it was me there doing everything but "reading" with you, enjoying those moments together but knowing that I have more to look forward to. How is it that I can be on a list of favorite things one day, and an ass for supporting you the next? Maybe there wasn't as much there as I thought or hoped and we should just say goodbye and part as friends. Good luck with all future decisions whatever they may be...
Dom...
I'd say that's pretty put up or shut up...
Jamie, what a comment. So many gems in there. Firstly, I adore your callback allusion to chess. Suicide moves and all. Great statement.
ReplyDeleteAlso our Stacey's reliance on 'in the moment' defence is fading as an excuse. But it has beena great defence.
But your report of "i'm a little confused" is great. Because aint that love?
Pete Kent, good to read your comment. I thought I had lost you with your facebook posting of unsubscribe - so very happy to read your still here.
ReplyDeleteAnd with such love too - both the 5 star praise for Jamie and the great reference to Thin Lizzy. Makes me want to sit and press shuffle on MP3 player and see what heppens -
okay doing it and:
Arab Strap's 'Shy Retirer'
Hmmmm
Anon (11:47) Your comment made me laugh - very funny. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteChris, yes indeed - I did sneak into your room and steal your lvoe letters
ReplyDelete(Sorry that's a little creepy)
But cool breakdown. I agree too - giving into love can mean giving into our persona, right? And doing that is so damn scary. after all Bergman never found the answer, hey?
(Sorry for being cinema esoteric)
Anon (1116) This is the comment for me - he needs to pick a side. I agree. He needs to put it back out there again. Of course I understand why he's being protective - he was royally burnt before - but not the time is right. He does have to pick a side. And not just Stacey or Elsa. He has to pick the gutsy ..go for it side or the safe side.
ReplyDeleteTwo roads allusion is creeping up right?
nabs, yes been waiting for your sign off match breakdowns. Glad they're back.
ReplyDeleteI wodner if Dom will ever sign off:
Yours softcockedly
Dom
Anon (3:38) Nooooo - I still have hope. I do. No new girlfriend, please. I don't think I could handle it.
ReplyDeleteKimberley, wonderful - wonderful Russell is not just a name it's a collective term for behavioour. Fantastic.
ReplyDeleteAs in I've got the attack of the Russells or
I've just been Russelled.
Love it.
Anon (10:09) It seems you've started a line of alternative or preemptive reposnses. I like this game and whole heartedly encourage all to play.
ReplyDeleteAs for your response - gtreat begining but it will certainly knell the end of of any romance, surely.
Fix'd anon, I'd love to see what Stacey would say to this.
ReplyDeleteCindy what a welcome and rewarding experience iot is to read your comments. A great new commenter is with us.
ReplyDeleteAnd the main response I have with your comment is a smidge of shame - shame at my spelling of
counsellor. I actually do know how to spell it. Must've had a moment. Sorry to all.
Chris, man - that nearly made me cry. Now I want to read what Stacey wo0uld say to your email. My dibs:
ReplyDeleteDear Dom,
I am in love with you. It hurts. Bear with me. I'll get there as soon as I get over this bad case of the Russells.
Love
Stacey.
PS and Hiranga - if you're reading - thank you so much for your kind words in the last post. It was really generous of you. it really helped.
ReplyDeleteStephen,
ReplyDeleteFFS, bring back oftenbark the talking typing dog!
as much as i started to despise the talking dog, anything is better than a psychotic mess that is Stacey.
to our resident shrink Cindy - what do you think of my assessment that she seems bipolar? or maybe split personality? there's definately something there that aint right.
Yours cuckoldely
Stacey
I liked the dog.
ReplyDeleteNeville Taylor
LOL Neville is back! WOOOOOOHOO!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know what, everyone wants to see Dom pissed off at Stacey.. Maybe its Oftenbark that should write back, being pissed off!
Dear Stacey,
If you weren't such a dog, calling you a bitch would be a whole lot more meaningful. Whilst your in your "moment", excuse me while pardon Dom for enjoying (and enduring) the experiences of life, emotionally and physically, as you ponder what the fuck you are looking for, while some soulless Neanderthal satisfies all your primitive needs. Hang on a second, that's exactly what you deserve! So enjoy it while you can until that day comes where you realise you're just a piece of meat, just like the one you fucked on end 'cause you had nothing better to feel in the moments you wanted to live in.
Pity I am the dog to tell you that your recurring words of this moment only echo of the cave you hide within.But I suppose it is only justified. For you there is no looking forward. No looking back. Only the acute puddle of murky determination I've seen you treading mud in for a while now.
Good luck with your relationship with Marcus, or whatever is you want to call it. I hope you continue to enjoy your moment.
O'Bark, out.
Has Marcus hi-jacked her account?
ReplyDeleteTruely crushing and a complete bitch. I've swung totally to Dom's side.
Run from the mad woman!!!!
Well Stephen if it makes you feel any better, I completely missed the spelling! and I blame computers for all spelling errors as I used to to be really good at spelling untill spell check came along and made me lazy!
ReplyDeleteChris your letter to Stacey is my favourite I think, although i do like them all!
nabs, well far be it for me to diagnose, all the actual shrinks would get very angry! I am but a lowly social worker (my ego was never going to be big enough to work in mental health - no offence to anyone i hope) But I would put my money on a personality disorder, bad relationships that swing between dependance and anger are kind of their thing.
Cindy
Thanks Anon :-) and I believe your dead on with Stacey.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words Stephen.
ReplyDeleteSo many great comments on this post. I tip my hat to (in order of appearance):
Anonymous (February 20, 2011 11:16 PM) — such an insightful reading
Anonymous (February 21, 2011 10:09 AM) — amazing!
Hiranga — exactly the confrontational reply I hope to see from Dom
Roll on ~00:00 GMT for email #139!! :)