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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

98th email

From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: Dom Borax
Sent: Saturday, June 30th, 1999 14:26 PM
Subject: Just for you

Dom…okay you’ve read the diplomatic global email sent to everyone now here’s the truth…

For your eyes only…

…it was a fucking nightmare…Marcus pulled this guilt trip on me as soon as I got home…

...he said, I should have left with him...

...he said he felt embarrassed that I stayed on

...he said he hated knowing I was having fun…

...he said that I probably had more fun without him being there…

I think he just has an issue with birthdays…

he hates his own…he says he feels individual attention is selfish…

it’s his so-called faux socialism coming out…

personally, I think he gets embarrassed that everyone is looking at him…giving gifts when the world is so fucked up…it’s a priorities thing…he places his priorities on aid over personal celebration…

he says he feels hypocritical eating fine food, laughing at regifted presents and drinking mid range wine when there’s such inequity of wealth in the world…

And then he gets all self defeated…he admits that it’s hard to have fun when you have a world perspective…he tries to turn it off but he can’t…it’s who he is…and at time he hates himself for it…he hates that he can never have fun…

And in these moments I get it...with both barrels…

I get the Karl Marx barrel…
And I get the Susan B Anthony barrel…

Anyway, back to last night…I came home at about three AM…

I thought he’d be asleep…but he wasn’t…he was watching...what’s it called...the late night music clip show... this is driving me crazy...I’m going to have to look it up... (man, having senior moments already)

Rage…

It’s called Rage...how could I forget... anyway they were playing a whole bunch of Prince clips on Rage…and I think he was torn between feeling angry, assaulted and sexy…

…he then turned on me…

he accused me of not caring about his beliefs…
I…as you know…was a little in my cups...so I fought back…

I said he didn’t care about my beliefs…he was dominating the tenets...it was all about him…I had a strong belief system too…and all that we talked about was his opinion…

I said it was ironic that for a man who believed in the shared wealth…there was no sharing within his own personal interactions…that he wasn’t a socialist at all…he was a middle class soft intellectual trying to find meaning in other people’s misery…and this is unforgivable…this is using a true doctrine as a deficit of true character…

AND I DON’T SUBSCRIBE TO DOCTRINES!!!

He looked at me…muted Raspberry Beret on the television…and asked if I subscribed to him…

I lost it…it was my birthday and for one moment…just in that moment…couldn’t he subscribe to me…? Other’s did…they all did…

I threw the regifted presents at him:

LOOK! I said…
I got this ugly porcelain dog…
I got this jigsaw puzzle of the twelve apostles…
I got this out-of-date bottle of Mustard Pickle from someone’s road trip…
I got this moth eaten toy gorilla that dances to the Macarena when you press its chest…
I got this little book of pithy one liners that isn’t funny…
I got this ‘Sea monkey’s on Mars’ globe from the National Geographic shop
...and I got this ‘days of the week’ set of underpants…

but what did I get from you? I got nothing…you didn’t get me anything…

He sat back in his chair at this point and grumbled that he told me he wasn’t getting me anything on my birthday…birthday’s are awkward and imposed…he told me I knew he was going to get me something the following day…I knew that, he stressed…

…he then stood and walked into his bedroom…

I thought for a second…here he goes…into bed…avoid it all…avoid me…read his book and trick himself into not feeling by feeling about the world instead…

But he didn’t…he came back out with this wrapped box…he told me it was late now…tomorrow even…and he was going to give me my present…as promised…

Okay…I didn’t see that one coming…I have to admit…I wasn’t out of my rage yet…he had muted rage on the television and he was trying to mute the rage in me…

I took a breath and opened the box…inside was a book called Pencil Letter by a Russian poet named Irina Ratushinskaya…she wrote them while in prison in 1982 for anti soviet agitation and propaganda…

Marcus had been given the book by an ex girlfriend and now he was giving it to me…

She was dead… he said
The Poet? I asked
The Girlfriend he said
Dead-dead!? I asked, stressing the second word
No, just dead in my heart, he said.

He then said…it was me, now…only me… he then opened the book and read me his favourite poem…

“The day died like a dog and won’t come back,
So let’s arrange a funeral feast
There will be many more days just as black
I know. The further east
You go, the worse it gets
(That’s the usual fate of pioneers)

Then we went to the bedroom and fucked…but I had revenge…I wasn’t in the moment with him…I was absent…I was breaking my rules again and thinking of someone else…someone from another time…and he never knew because he presumed I was faithful…but he was wrong…he was so wrong…

Happy birthday to me…


Stacey.

33 comments:

  1. J O'b, I know it's one of her best, I think.

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  2. I second that Wow. It's like someone unpinned a gernade and it keeps rolling on the floor...and you are just waiting for it to explode.

    Feels like it has been awhile since I wrote something in the blogs. Thought I should...still around. :)

    I'm getting really annoyed about how open people are about telling other people about their sex lives. I feel like they are just shoving it in other people's faces.

    And is it just me or do any of you almost need to roll your eyes whenever someone says "someone." People avoiding naming people, but deep down you know who the hell they are talking about/referring to.

    C'mon Stacy... Just tough it out...and just say that someone is Dom.

    Rant completed.

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  3. It's interesting that the last time Stacy talked to Dom about her sex life, it was describing an act of revenge against Dom. Strangely enough, this time it's an act of revenge against Marcus.

    Seems almost parabolic and symmetrical.

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  4. ...And just when I was starting to understand Stacey.

    Maybe I'll never understand her.

    So close to telling Dom the truth, but she still doesn't get it. Frustrating.

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  5. Stephanie, wondering where you were at. Hope everything is okay and it's just the pressures of the holiday season.

    It's interesting to me that both you and Jason, believe she's talking about Dom. I hope she is, and I'm sure he is too. But In wonder, is she? Is this a mistake or a tease in return?

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  6. Anon (1:15) True - parabolic. Perhaps romantic justice, even!?

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  7. Jason, as I read your comment i thought of my own and other connection to the notion of relationships - frustrating and bewildering. And of course just when you think you get it--

    You know the rest.

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  8. It's like reading a book that you know the two main characters should be together but they keep getting in their own way. I think even if she is referring to Dom, the moment he shows interest she'll tell him she was sleeping with someone else... As a matter of fact i think she IS sleeping with someone else. I think we forget how young she is... I think her revenge sex is not only a revenge to Marcus but to Dom as well, for not stepping up, for not reading her mind, for being with Elsa, in her mind it's all about revenge I think she is truly blinded to the fact that Dom loves her.

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  9. Chris, I know what you mean. I felt the same. It is like a reading a book. And they do keep getting in each other's way. But I also think they're getting more closly and more deeply connected with each other.

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  10. TRANSLATION:

    Marcus and i had a massive fight after my birthday party. It was ugly. He doesnt really stand for what he believes in.

    After that he gave me my present and i relented. We had hot make up sex after that. But dont worry, I was thinking of you the whole time.


    will write what i think later. im at work right now.

    p.s. stephen this is much better. i think you'll end up with reader fatigue of you drip feed one word emails over a few days.

    im sure more than a few agree with me.

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  11. Nabs, I am really enjoying your translations. And I'm sure others are too. Indeed it's a real pleasure to read commenters creative take on this story. Please keep them coming. Though I am worried that some might prefer them to the emails themseves :)

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  12. Oh for god's sake, come on, hurry up!!!

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  13. This email blew me out of the water. What a rant indeed from Stacy!
    I like seeing this side of her.

    I would love to write more but I'm still in shock about the whole thing. =b

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  14. HOLY TAKING IT TO A DARKER PLACE, BATMAN. Stacy rocks for this email. She is way above Marcus in many ways and I am reveling in her mental unfaithfulness. I almost want this to drag on and not skip right to her and Dom being together. I was sad when she got together with Marcus, but this is Dramaville and I'm not ashamed to say I'm loving it :)

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  15. I really don't like the way she has inflicted her sexuality at Dom. I don't think it's flirtatious to talk about having sex with another person. If she's not going to talk — even via innuendo — about sex with Dom, she should just not talk at all.

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  16. I don't find it particularly appealing that she decided to talk to Dom about having sex with Marcus. Even if she was thinking about Dom during, that's just a bit creepy for my taste.
    I also find it fairly displeasing that she can be bedded so easily. She was all pissed off about Marcus being an ass and she had the right to be, then he gives her a present and reads her a poem and she has sex with him? Hmm... even if she secretly got revenge Marcus still got laid and he doesn't know that she wasn't thinking about him so I think he wins overall.

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  17. Yeah... it would so totally make me love a girl when she tells me she's fucking someone else. I fall for it all the time.

    Stacey's being immature and playing games...

    I would say Dom is good with Elsa, but I don't know much about Elsa, or about Dom and Elsa.

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  18. Marcus was Dom's friend first. Seems like Dom would have warned Stacey that he was an absolute Killjoy at social gatherings.

    Except for night he met Stacey, that is. Put on a good front that night, didn't you Marcus. I can only figure he must have been drunk enough to forget that he was so freaking humorless about the world.

    Stacey is obviously a fun girl. Flashing her pillows and drinking until 3am. They say opposites attract, but this relationship is ludicrous. She's done nothing but complain about him, and deservedly so.

    Guess the fucking is the only thing keeping these two together. I don't see anything else they have in common, besides Dom.

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  19. I'd like to echo what Juan said concerning Dom and Elsa.

    It troubles me that a lot of commenters on this saga make claims about the health of the relationship between Dom and Elsa based on extremely minimal amounts of evidence.

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  20. Anon 8:58, I think the lack of evidence is in itself a clue as to the health of their relationship.

    However, I believe Dom chooses not to mention Elsa in his emails (even though Stacy previously pressed for information) as he doesn't consider real life and his life online one in the same.

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  21. Anon (9:49) Nice trumping of J'ob. And I second it.

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  22. PennyPup, what a great narrative your comments are too. I think your second comment - the one in refelction is a corker. The only trouble is it's been posted at the end of the cycle and not as many people will read it. So if your read this please feel free toi repost. I think the readers will benefit from considering your question: about real life and life online.

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  23. A Man de Clark, so goog to read your comments again. They have such great energy. They truly make me smile, BATMAN!

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  24. Chris Dixon, this is a tricky one as I suspect if they are to move forward they have to reveal more about themselves. They have to be more honest and this might include intimnate chats. Don't know. What do other';s think?

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  25. Steph T, I reckon she bedded him because she wanted to and was caught up. Indeed it would surpruse me i she initiated it.

    And I don't know she was thinking about Dom. I think it was something else. I
    m not so sure Stacey is that mean.

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  26. Juan, funny when I was a pup, I fell for someone in a relationship. I hated myself for it and tortured myself by becoming good friends and hearing intimate details. It was kinda like a safe affair.

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  27. Kimberley, I love this comment. Very funny. And any response that has 'flashing her pillows' needs to get the thumbs up.

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  28. Anon, so what do we know about Elsa?

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  29. PennyPup, and again please repost your most recent--

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  30. anon 1:15 - parabolic and symetrical comment has just forced me to comment on this post! Freaking hilarious. I realise hardly anyone will read this now that its a week old but what the hell - and the hand grenade rolling around on the floor! Yes - definitely rolling. Though i think just then it went off. In Stacey Pants. Stephanie is def right too.. she (Stace) has this way of sticking it in Dom's face >> "yeah .. and then i fucked him. I revenge fucked him." hahaha I mean dear god! I hope i never get revenge fucked! DOM, don't get revenge fucked!! As Admiral Ackbar would say it "IT'S A TRAPP!"

    Sorry Stephanie for laughing at all of this but gosh this is epic! SO BLUNT im definitely rolling my eyes AND lmfao.

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