To: Stacey Marchenkova, Marcus, Elsa, Dominique, Wilma Petranoff, Fryman, Lou, Sus’, David M, David A, Pete, Cath, Kiki, Gill, Lou H, Nick
Sent: Friday, June 29th, 1999 13: 42PM
Subject: RE RE RE Friday night dinner
Hey Stacey and everyone, Elsa and I will be there.
I’m really looking forward to meeting you. (Except you, Crisps. I never look forward to seeing you. I see too much of you already :))
Please be nice to us. We are the new people.
We are kind. We like food. We’ve been bred in captivity. We don’t bite. You can take flash photos of us if you like. If you’re wearing protective gear, you can pat us. We come with our own wine and sheets of newspaper for private business.
We are allergic to peanuts, omnivores, easy to care for, can be amusing; don’t smell too much, endangered and quite fond of Stacey.
Though a word of warning; we will probably be quiet for the first course.
This is not a sign of aggression. It is a sign of shyness.
As an ice breaker; can I suggest you ask Elsa (who is a dancer) how flexible she is? She might even show you. You’ll be impressed.
By the main course, things will have changed, I promise. With the incentive of food and an eager audience of strangers we will both be performing like Sea-Park professionals.
Watch as we dance on our tails, fly through hoops and swim in formation to gain your attention. We will also gladly eat out of your hand for affection at this stage.
Though as the main course and second bottle of wine finishes, I should warn you that I’ll probably be making too much noise.
You might think it’s a mating call. But it’s just nervous chatter. I promise. I apologise in advance.
By desert all will be fine.
I’m sure Elsa will be happy to pose for photos and I hope I haven’t flashed my tits as an attempt to mirror the alphas in the group.
By the end of the night, I am certain we will be free of our cage and dancing with the public.
At this point I am certain it will be safe to hold us. You might even want to take us home.
Really looking forward to it.