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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

94th email

From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova, Marcus, Elsa, Dominique, Wilma Petranoff, Fryman, Lou, Sus’, David M, David A, Pete, Cath, Kiki, Gill, Lou H, Nick
Sent: Friday, June 29th, 1999 13: 42PM
Subject: RE RE RE Friday night dinner

Hey Stacey and everyone, Elsa and I will be there.

I’m really looking forward to meeting you. (Except you, Crisps. I never look forward to seeing you. I see too much of you already :))

Please be nice to us. We are the new people.

We are kind. We like food. We’ve been bred in captivity. We don’t bite. You can take flash photos of us if you like. If you’re wearing protective gear, you can pat us. We come with our own wine and sheets of newspaper for private business.

We are allergic to peanuts, omnivores, easy to care for, can be amusing; don’t smell too much, endangered and quite fond of Stacey.

Though a word of warning; we will probably be quiet for the first course.
This is not a sign of aggression. It is a sign of shyness.

As an ice breaker; can I suggest you ask Elsa (who is a dancer) how flexible she is? She might even show you. You’ll be impressed.

By the main course, things will have changed, I promise. With the incentive of food and an eager audience of strangers we will both be performing like Sea-Park professionals.

Watch as we dance on our tails, fly through hoops and swim in formation to gain your attention. We will also gladly eat out of your hand for affection at this stage.

Though as the main course and second bottle of wine finishes, I should warn you that I’ll probably be making too much noise.

You might think it’s a mating call. But it’s just nervous chatter. I promise. I apologise in advance.

By desert all will be fine.

I’m sure Elsa will be happy to pose for photos and I hope I haven’t flashed my tits as an attempt to mirror the alphas in the group.

By the end of the night, I am certain we will be free of our cage and dancing with the public.

At this point I am certain it will be safe to hold us. You might even want to take us home.

Really looking forward to it.



  1. This was cute, entertaining and just fun to read. I love Dom's humour too.
    Totally put a smile on my face.


  2. I agree - put a smile on my face. He always drags me back, our Dom. And I sorta know what he means. Socialising can be quite confronting. I can get quite nervous. Anyone else out there get nervous?

  3. I do! But I wonder if the others will think he's a douche for this....

  4. I immediately thought "he's trying too hard" and didn't really even want to read it all. I don't get it. Maybe he's nervous... or stoned. I know he has a history of being wordy, but this seems more than a little forced.

  5. I definitely get nervous too. He had me at the flash my tits line. Genius.

  6. Anon (2:04) Douche - what an insult. I guess they could - I;m hoping they'll see it as funny and endearing. I think I would. I have to admit - socially it's something I'm prone to.

  7. Kimberly, I think he's nervous - pushing the metaphor too hard. But like Steph, it actually makes me smile.

  8. Chris, an actor who gets nervous - it's so true. You're not on your own for sure.

  9. my heart goes out to darlin Dom..he makes me smile... and that is such a valuable thing...the douches are the hurtful and the cruel cool,those who share nothing of value because they are afraid of running out of the good stuff. yes Dom tends to the slightly panicky share too much and i love him for dancing with the public is a very important gift to the universe!

  10. Dom is nervous. for this reason, he's decided to 'break the ice' with the rest of Staceys friends before they meet.

    By now they know he's an intelligent being whos good with words, fond of Stacey, and that his girlfriend is a stripper...hang on.. is Elsa s stripper? thats how i'd read 'dancer'. im sure that's how Dom wanted it understood. Fo' sure they'll ask! it makes for good conversation.

    Dom's better in writing than in person, so he can assert his superioirity here and now instead of being overshadowed by the alphas in the group.

  11. Oh goodness this made me giggle. I love Dom and I love this, but I feel like if someone who didn't know him they might be a little freaked out by this (I wouldn't because I would probably do the same thing).
    Haha nabs I think your read that Elsa is a stripper is a strong possibility, think about it. She is flexible, a 'dancer' and in the past she has been known to take quite a few men into her bed. I would never have thought of that but it seems pretty accurate now that I think of it.
    I hope he does flash his titties, I think that would win everyone over, it would work on me.
    All in all this is cute, maybe a bit weird for those who don't know him. But I'm sure he will be able to gain their approval once they meet him and learn that he is not a crazy person....or is he? Hmm.....

  12. On stage it's different, I can be in front of two hundred people and not be the least bit nervous. You're completely someone else, you're doing a job, a job that you LOVE but still a job. It's kind of like the audience is your boss and you are acting for your salary... The house reactions are your pay. Where as if i'm on a first date, or meeting a person for the first time i'm SOOO afraid.

  13. @dom -- id like to take you home... and keep you there

    @chris -- really now? id like to find out

    @everyone -- was this a way of dom showing how much cuter he is than stacey's well read(?) bf

  14. WW, dancing with the public is a true gift - you're right. As is dancing with puppies, loved ones and enemies.

  15. Nabs - Elsa is a stipper?! Love it. He certainly makes her sound like that. Also I alove your assessment of your Dom - better on the page than in person.

  16. Steph, I'm voting for a flash too. I'd love to see that.

  17. Chris, I truly understand the plight of the actor and the odd twist of persona. I tread the boards for a while until I discovered I wasn't any good.

  18. Iphsi, missed you and your voice. Hope everything is okay. A colective mwah to you, I'm sure.


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