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Sunday, September 19, 2010

69th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < >
Sent: Tuesday, June 8th, 1999 21:37 PM
Subject: RE RE New string of conversation

Dom, actually I have thought about how I’m going to die…

I hate to admit it, but I have…

I used to I think I’m going to die in the next war…but that was flippant…

then I wanted a heroic death…a true ride into oblivion…like diffusing a bomb…saving lots of people…and being obliterated…

then I thought that maybe my moment of heroism should be smaller…maybe it happens when I see a child crossing the road…and I dash across the traffic, push them out of the way and get hit by the car instead…

I really thought that would be the way I’d go…

When I was sixteen (fuck it…I’m looking back again, but whatever) I used to stand on the side of the road for hours waiting for the child to cross into danger…I was so prepared…willing it to happen…and every time the pedestrian crossing finished its call of safety, I looked up and down the street looking for that kid-like Charon skipping my path to the river styx

(btw had to look up Charon and how to spell it…always thought it was Sharon who guided you across the river styx…felt a little disappointed that it wasn’t…because I really liked it was Sharon…felt cosy…think it was because I really liked this aunt who was not an aunt called Sharon when I was growing up…)

When I was eighteen…I revaluated my death moment…

I was really getting into sleazy Italian thrillers…and I loved how the women died in them…

I thought that would be cool…black handed killer in a mask chasing me down some really stylish corridor…I nearly escape…but find myself in the reddest room in the world…crash zoom and some glorious Morricone music and I’m stabbed in the heart…really stabbed…I fall to the ground and see his shoes….only his shoes…patent leather…and as my breath runs out, I see it fog on his shoes…getting harder to see until the smudge is only a small puff…then nothing…

But I started having nightmares…so this passed too…

Then I hit nineteen and I really thought I might die of an overdose or something…
Chelsea Hotel and some folk fucking around…me doing it…keeping up with The Joneses, you know…and there was this guy there… a real drug slut…his name coincidently was Jones…and there was something so damn sexy about the bones in his chest and his lank fringe and his stove pipe pants…and the nicotine stains…and that morning small of bourbon…

But I ended up meeting a real life Jones (his name was Pete) and in real life all that smell and dirt wasn’t romantic at all…it was so boring…and he was the worst lay I ever had in my life…

So as I near my twenties…end of the month as it happens…here I am…and now I think I might die in my sleep…that’d be pretty good.

And you? You asked the question, buster…how do you think you will you die?



  1. And as message to Mel !RWQgmBzM32 at 4chan, thank you for posting my e-mails. I really appreciate it. Please keep promoting the blog if you think it's apt.

    And to those at that site who linked the information back to this source. A big thank you. A really big thank you.

  2. I had no idea Stacey was so young!

  3. I just gained some respect for her. I definitely thought for the longest time that I would die trying to save someone, possibly a child, from some dire circumstance. The movie scene was a bit much though, that sounds slightly ridiculous. Especially since she wouldn't see the breath run out. She would be dead. I know this is minor but still worth mentioning in my mind.

  4. Anonymous - agreed! That sort of changes things for me actually, if she's only 19 I have been a bit hard on her previously. Sorry Stacey....

  5. You know, looking back, it is easy to see that she is so young, but at the time it didn't occur to me...why is that?

  6. I don't believe this story is true. I think all of these emails were crafted by an author.

  7. Well, it makes sense to me that Stacy and Dom would be in their late teens, early-twenties. They did mention about college. And I’m loving the references to old school movies. I love Audrey Hepburn movies (Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Sabrina are my favs).

    Side note, this e-mail is weird and interesting with the whole question about death. I always find it fascinating to hear other people’s views on things. I like Stacy’s paragraph on her rendition of her Italian film styled death – good imagery. I think my death will be dying in my sleep or my heart gives out or something. Though, all in all, I just hope that I do what I love until that day.

  8. How much do you have those e-mails left?

  9. Anon (10:30) Yes her age took me by surpirse too. But then I looked back and they did meet at a mutual friends (Crisps) 18th party. So I guess there was a hint there.

    Also for American readers, the two talk about going out and drinking in establishments. In Brisbane the age limit is 18 not 21 - so this could inform or misdirect some readers of their age.

  10. Steph T, I'm so glad your back on these comments pages. I'm also so relieved that you are gathering some respect for her. Amazing isn't it how this interchange tugs as back and forth.

  11. PS Steph T - you also sound like a really good person.

  12. Missy M, hahaha - I love how the age revelation has created a form of guilt. Passing I'm sure.

    Though I thought it was you that mentioned they sounded like lit' under grads (Which Dom - in a way is).

    But I know what you mean, knowing her/their ages gives a little more perspective on behaviour (bad and good)

  13. Anon (12:16)
    "You know, looking back, it is easy to see that she is so young, but at the time it didn't occur to me...why is that?"

    That's a really interesting question. Perhaps without expositional knowledge we can only draw on our own experencies...?
    But The question is certainly piqued my interest - any other thoughts from other commenters?

  14. Anon (6:00) What would make you say that?

  15. Stephanie, you are a true star. It is so true. Do what you love until the end. It's as simple and complex as that.

    Also - for those that haven't already - check out this dear commenters writing. Really worth it.

  16. Syvän taivaan, welcome to Bored Olives. It's hard for me to say exactly how many are left as sometime I post more than one email.

    Suffice to say it's a ten year relationship and when I doscivered this story, I was overwhelmed and truly delighted.

  17. Oops discovered not doscivered
    (sneezing while typing - not a good idea)

  18. Long time reader, first time commenter.

    I love how this has evolved.

    I've shared this blog on my Facebook page. :)

  19. Anon (10:18) thank you so much for commenting. Feel free to comment anytime. And thanks for sharing on facebook. Did anyone respond?

  20. I thought Stacey would be at least in her mid twenties...19 is a bit of a shock. It does explain a little bit though: kids that age seem to think because they've been on their own for a year that they know everything there is to know about being an adult. (Having been that age fairly recently--I'll be 24 in a few months--I think I know at *least* that much :P)

  21. Liz, happy birthday in a couple of months.
    And I think your thoughts on the 'know everything' of youth is interesting. I suffered from it; I know and I'll be 24 in a couple of months too ;)

  22. many many moons ago...i was convinced by some art transformed for tv that consumption might be a terribly romantic way to die... pale as the moon ,thin (always good for romance!),and still.. lying in bed surrounded by loved ones and the Beloved.. who might have wronged me but now knew my true worth...tears and yearning.... and fade away....Every time i have a really bad cough, i think of that and fear i might have brought it upon myself!!!
    in the light of this self knowledge: i think stacey's musings are pretty damn cool in comparison!...getting to like her more and more and more...WW

  23. How many % of e-mails are posted by now? 20%, 50%, 80%?
    Have you read all of them?
    Do you mean that they mailed for each other for ten years?

    It's hard to believe it's real, you aren't afraid of law problems if they discover what you have done? It's seems so real, maybe it's your story and you are Dom...

  24. WW, wonderfully poetic as expected. I hear you about consumption - but readily recall how awful the consumption death was for Gabon's father in The Singing Detective.

  25. Syvän, gosh what a compliment. I wish I was Dom. He has so many fans here. But alas, I'm just that too nomral to be our hero.

  26. This email made me like Stacy more than I have for some time.

    I guess it made her seem more human and less arse-like for what she did to Dom.

    When I was 16 I similarly thought of dying in some heroic action. By 19, I figured my death would occur by being raped and murdered. Similar thought process I suppose.

    Now I'm 26 and think I'm going to die when I'm way too old to remember who I was.

    OT: I visited Brisbane once

  27. hey papa bear or Mr Davis...or stephen..uuuum....starting to get paranoid about the whole poetic thing... which is strange because i do truly love doesnt connote pretentious does it? :she asks in a high and insecure voice.... oh and yes consumption: preposterous fantasy and appalling reality... AND>> thanks kind sir for bringing this beautiful story to us...WW

  28. PennyPup, I think it's amazing how folk have responded with their own death thoughts. I wonder if others will share in the next post.

    Hey and what did you think of Brisbane?

  29. WW, you can call me Stephen

    And no not pretentious at all. Please keep it up. I think it continues the class in these comments - and I'm certain others too look forward to your take on the world.

    And thank you for reading and being part of this community.

    Look forward to your next iambic delight.

  30. I've counted more than 640,000 consonants in these posts so far. How many other consonants do you intend to publish?

    Neville Taylor

  31. Would anybody like the exact figures?

  32. I thought Brisbane was amazing. So different than home yet so similar. It felt as though I could turn a corner and be on my own street... minus the bats and kookaburras.
    I'd love to return some day. Maybe in 10 years or so. XD

  33. Wow. Stacey's (and presumably Dom's) age really caught me off guard. I also thought she and Dom were around 24 or 25, perhaps even older. I'm 19 now and can't even comprehend an e-mail exchange on this emotional level... The beautiful poetic exchanges that is so rare between two 19-year olds...

    Perhaps we've all been a bit too harsh on Dom and Stacey.

  34. yeah the 19yr thing isn't too surprising to me.. i think the undercurrent of immaturity in some of the major events in the story so far gave it away for me. Plus i am in my mid twenty's ( shit i feel old having said that! <<forgive me, all of you who are older and wiser than i :) ), so i guess i have been reading the story in the context of my own age, naturally.

  35. I agree with Hiranga as the age now makes more sense. She's naive and willing to buy into whatever ideology sounds the most complex and romantic to her, and will help her come across as well learned (despite the clear ignorance in nearly every email). Also, great insight about reading the story in the context of your own age (or experience for that matter)...I think we probably all probably fell into that trap.

    "A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand." - Bertrand Russell

  36. The Dude:

    Using Bertrand Russell to bolster an arguement is akin to citing a Chilton manual when discussing car repairs. #going to the source


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