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Sunday, September 5, 2010

58th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Tuesday, June 1st, 1999 6.05 AM
Subject: A new week.
Dear Stacey,

I did opt for number 10. And it’s now one week later.

Weird week too. As you can probably guess I likes me ole email.

So it was painful indeed.

I attempted to watch all the Merchant Ivory films but by the time I got to Howard’s End my flatmate, Elsa found me being passive aggressive to some inanimate objects and subtly sleazy to others (can you guess which?).

So the computer stayed off and I embraced the world (in case I shagged it – give away!!!).

Wednesday was the worst.
Cold turkey. Ate a turkey.

And tried to stop thinking the computer was actually watching me.

Thursday was easier. I ventured out of the house – bought a toasted chicken sandwich and rearranged the second hand records in Rocking Horse from my least favourite to favourite.

That night, I came home and put a blanket over the computer because I swear it scowled at me.

Friday I thought I should exercise - so slept for the day and dreamt that I married the computer in a civil ceremony (Bill Gates gave me away).

Saturday I moved the computer into the cupboard because I swear it was cheating on me with Steve Jobs.

Sunday I chased faith in various churches to see if there is a God. (I think he was running late)

When I got home, the computer had moved. It was now in my bed, begging for some break up sex.

Monday I want to Uni and got into an argument with a philosophy major over Star Wars. Fuck, I hate myself.

I then came home and took it out on the computer – was really cruel to it -– “You think you know everything, but you don’t know how to feel!”

So I put the computer back in the cupboard and locked the door this time.

Tuesday I woke early in a fever, got the computer out of the cupboard and finally turned it on. It refused to speak to me, hovering around dos with that awful blinking silence of the flashing cursor.

Eventually it did speak. It groaned and crashed.

I rebooted it with love, saying ‘there there’ in safe mode and it softened.
And then I e-mailed you.

How has your week been?


PS I like Doctor Who by the way. Tom Baker really. Have you ever seen Horror at Fang Rock? Cheap as shit but kinda creepy.

PPS So do you forive me?

PPS I really liked your Jenny Wrangler story.


  1. Hi if anyone is a facebook member of Bored Olives - could I trouble you to suggest to freinds? The button is just below the ID photo. Sorry to bother you all.

  2. not.enough.....amusing and sweet and yet...

    i think i am being a little harsh.. what can i really expect?...some soul baring, heart wrenching everytime he puts finger to keyboard?.. now that would be too. much....

    and yet...i am unsatisfied... i think stacey might be too..WW

  3. Love it!! Loved the computer begging for makeup sex rofl.

  4. LMAO at the argument on star wars with the philosophy major! I wonder what it was about.. If i were to have an argument with someone about star wars it would have to be about the similarities between Ewoks and Wookies - i swear there is a genetic relationship there. Actually i can't decide which species is more evolved.. Do we have any Darwin's in the house?

    Anyway i digress- i do like this one. It's still the usual Dom OTT expressiveness. (<<is that a word? who cares.) And it remains quite content i think. He didn't fall back into the mushy peas sorta email, so im quite proud of him.

    The "How has your week been?" right at the end is a swift digression into the thing that mattered most to him. I think that was nice..

    Oh, and major props to Dom for covertly expressing his struggle to survive the week without emailling her by describing his week as a mission against his computer instead. The force is strong.. ;) Well played good sir.

    PS. My favourite day was Dom's Wednesday:
    "Wednesday was the worst.
    Cold turkey. Ate a turkey."

    ROFLTURKEY. _killing it Dom, killing it!! HAHA

  5. WW, know what you mean. Dom can offer us some raw and beautiful emotion. And when he doesn't we crave it.

    But I think Hiranga is onto something when he says "describing his week as a mission against his computer"

    I take this to mean that Dom is actually being crafty. He's not 'musy peas' but actually refering and blaming the instrument that made is all come down. But while doing it, he also takes great effort to point out he misses it (her) very much.

    So, like you, as much as I yearn for the poetic Dom (as I crave I WW's poetcis just as much) - I think he still is offering poetry albeit funny and sly.

  6. Hiranga, great analysis. As I mentioned in my response to WW, you opened up this posting for me. Thank you.

  7. For some weird reason, I first thought this e-mail was written by Stacy (maybe just wishful thinking? If it had been a Stacy e-mail, I think it would have won me over to Team Stacey-Dom [no particular order]). Though, when I took a closer look, I noticed it was good ol’ Dom. It seems quite revealing that it was torture to be away from his computer. But I think the best thing he got out of this was Stacy’s e-mail. She was bothered by the fact she wasn’t graced by one of his e-mails. I think this was good of her to mention as well as realise.

    Part of me wonders why she even created ‘number 10’ in order for Dom to get her forgiveness. She was the one who, more or less, betrayed him. [I still honestly think she is the one who should be asking him for forgiveness. Okay, okay – yes, I’m back to Team Dom at the moment. I can’t help it. I’m a writer too – fiction writing & poetry mostly. I think Dom is an artist with his words – what can I say... I’m a hopeless romantic...perhaps I wish I had a ‘Dom’ in my life]. Also, why would she even have a number 10... She must have considered the possibility Dom would have chosen it (and in this email, he confesses that he did). In some amusing way, he is sharing he has missed their emails, but perhaps wanted to see how she would have responded to a week without him – Sneaky? Maybe. But I was rooting for this choice because I was curious how Stacy would react. As always – can’t wait to see what happens next.

  8. @Hiranga Forgive me for the tangent, but I think Ewoks are more evolved (even though I hate them, with their wee beady eyes....). Basically, APPARENTLY as humans evolve we are becoming more and more cooperative and "nice" - in a word, domesticated.

    I base this on some research that resulted from the Russian Silver Fox experiment and that may (or may not) also apply to humans:

    I really recommend you check out WNYC's RadioLab podcast. It's amazing (and funny), and has a great episode on this point:

    So I guess Ewoks are more domesticated and social and therefore more evolved and likely to survive as a species than Wookies. But I like the slightly aggressive, mysterious, sarcastic Wookies better any day (what this says about my future chances for survival I don't know. Explains a lot.)

    ANYWAY.... back to Dom & Stacey. The fact that they are both still hanging in there says everything. I think this email is very healing, they can move on together now. And this is a good response from Dom, playing off her previous mail but not pushing too far (a miracle for Dom) or asking for anything else. Point for this mail goes to.... Dom. I'm warming to him.

    p.s. Love that Rocking Horse reference. But I always liked the Record Exchange better.

  9. WW - I hear you on being kind of let down about Dom's response. I kind of like it this way though.. I agree with Stephen's thoughts, "Dom can offer us some raw and beautiful emotion. And when he doesn't we crave it." It's a welcome change for me when Stacey is offering the raw, beautiful emotion (story about Jenny). For once, Stacey is the one putting her emotions out there and waiting for Dom's reaction. For once, Stacey is the one waiting by the computer for an e-mail notification, not Dom.

  10. Stephanie, I adore your posts. So honest. I also love your misread and the subsequent journey you went on.

    Also as a writer yourself please feel free to post a link to your work. I am sure that the commenters here would love to read. I know I would.

  11. Missy M' you are amazing. I think the links are great. You are such a wonderful voice here. Funny and smart.

    And I liked record exchange. Had a great smell of methol wiped vinyl and unwashed men.

  12. Jason, great analysis. And it's true. Great love stories have the people exchange values until they find a common place. And here you've isolated that Stacey put it out there and now is waiting.

    Simply they are have an effect on each other. And maybe that is love.
    What do others think?

  13. Hopefully Dom doesn't creep Stacey out. I know it's all playful, but even the lightest of topics can have bad influences, especially when they have a slightly creepy vibe to them.

    If I was Stacey, I'd totally beg Dom's forgiveness and ask him to take me back into his arms.

    Just putting that out there.. and I guess, I'll start using my Blogger account to post comments now. :P

    My anonymity as some random guy named Randall is now gone! :O

  14. lol to Randall!

    and to MissyM regarding Thee Tangent lol - i know! Those were my exact thoughts!! Despite being less technologically advanced Ewoks appear to be the more sociable creatures, which is probably why they seem less primitive than Chewwie.

    lol - random visualisation - imagine Chewbacca replying to Stacey's emails! haha :P

  15. [he would have smashed the computer on the ground a long time ago lolol]

  16. @Hiranga I think I'm gonna have to go Team Chewie ;)

  17. Well hello, Randall A. See you've got a blog too. I look forward to reading it. And please feel free to paste link. I'm sure others would be interested to read it too.

  18. Hiranga and Missy M I offer my best chewie impersonation while trying not to spit on the crashed computer.

  19. Thanks Stephen, I appreciate it. You're a good guy. :]

    I'm still Randall, by the way. I don't want anyone thinking I'm someone else with a similar name. :P

    My blog is a blog about easy (and so far, entirely free) ways to donate to causes. 7 of the 8 charities I've posted about require only that you play their little trivia games or click buttons to donate TONS of useful stuff, like food, water, books, rainforest land, mammograms, etc.

  20. I just began reading a short while ago, and I must say that while I initially thought Dom was a whiny little turd of the most egregious sort, I now am starting to believe the guy may have some very malicious ulterior motives. He's super manipulative and passive aggressive. The guy is totally cyber grooming Stacey.


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