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Sunday, August 22, 2010

49th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < >
Sent: Sunday, May 23rd, 1999 17:01 PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE so sorry

Dom, stop it. Stop it now!

I think I should be the one saying sorry…

Actually I know I should be saying sorry…

Why do I do that? Why do I use words like ‘I think’ before making a vulnerable statement…I guess I’m protecting myself…kinda like folk that say ‘I’m sorry but I never meant to hurt you…’ I hate that...just state the ‘sorry’ and own it…whatever…

Anyway… after I got your last email, I thought (against my better nature:)) that I should look backwards at our correspondence…and… I am so sorry for my email about Marcus… I did give too much detail… I feel like such a bitch for sending it…

So I am sorry…no qualifications…owned…stamped…sent…framed for the whole world to see…

I don’t know if this is useful…but perhaps I can offer some reasoning behind my action…might help you understand…(though I know you’re way capable)…(and sorry if that sounds patronising)

See…I can get a little angry sometimes…I hate that part of myself…I really do…and you don’t need to have it thrust in your face…you didn’t need to know everything…

Okay now I’m feel like I’m stalling…no more stalling…back on topic…take a breath Stacey, in, out and…

I sent you the Marcus email because I wanted to hurt you…because…

I kinda fell for you a bit…

…okay not a bit…a lot…

…you are bloody good with words…I couldn’t wait to get another email from you…

I kept checking each hour, hoping that there’d be something…I became a little obsessed and though I might have been a little cool…trust my when I read your emails…I was far from it…

Then that night when you left The Norman…all that insecure bullshit that internally lurks in me fought back…and I felt like shit…I felt like I’d been conned…I felt like I had completely missed it…

Simply, I felt stupid…

And I got angry…

And there was Marcus (don’t worry no details this time) he paid attention…he made me feel okay…

… And I’m so sorry it didn’t work out between us…I think it could’ve been great…grand, perhaps…I don’t know, maybe we would’ve torn each other apart…but one thing I know for certain…the sex would’ve been terrific…


PS Also I know we can be great mates…if you’re up for it…


  1. nobody nobody NOBODY, talks about how good the sex could have been, if there is no chance for it in the future...oh yes they will have sex...and see she adores him!!!!and I love the word grand...i think eventually it will be that .... GRAND...WW

  2. She gave in. I'm kind of disappointed in her.

  3. Good girl Stacey!!!!!! She may be flawed, but she is also an adult and mature enough to realise what she is doing- to Dom and to herself. Thank Goodness. There us hope for them yet!
    This email made me smile. It's honest and true and such a beautiful reply to Doms hotel email.
    It's the truth, plain and simple. Yay!

  4. okay. This email has just totally crossed my wires. Usually when i'm reading these emails i can establish a tone for the way in which Stacey's (or Dom's) voice speaks.. but mentally, when reading this one.. it's rather defunct.

    WW, you're exactly right - who say's that given the circumstances? She has obviously thought about the sex part.. actually i think this may be a little Freudian - was the sex with Top Gun Marcus not so awesome? She is thinking how it could have been with Dom (?)

    I have to admit Stace has reeled me back in with this one.. It was quite a steep gesture with what she has written in here. I really was not expecting this. Im still very mixed though.. Perhaps i've gone into shock.

    But how epic is the post script!?? Dom!! I don't think you understand how big of a stunt you have just pulled off. THA GAME IS ON! And even better - she's set the pace - she admitted they can be great mates. so they HAVE hit it deep! Someone made the call in a previous email that she still adores him - i think that is definite now. He's IN fo tha long haul. AND she's thought about the sex. Curiosity will kill the cat. Not home and hosed just yet, Dom, but at least he's in the right neighbourhood.

    Oh, and did anyone pay attn to her wording: "great mates" as opposed to "best friends" - the latter is a killer. Thank the gods she didn't drop that line.

    Re-entry sequence granted, Dom! Charge the hyperdrive and set course for the outer rims of reality romance! All crew to battle stations - prepare for jump. It's still onnn laik donkey kongg!!!!!

    Strong, tha force is, in this one.

  5. Is it just my imagination or did the opening of this post change in the first few minutes?

  6. The way she said it? -Yeah.. it trips me up too..

  7. No. I think it originally started:

    "Dom, it actually worked. I think I'm flipping you out"

    As opposed to

    "Dom, stop it. Stop it now!"

  8. ........? ...........................Stephen. ??

    Anonymous.. are you drunk? :)

  9. I was not expecting an email like that from Stacey, I thought she would be absolutely freaked out and only reply to say she never wants to speak again. They both love the drama they were living, as do I as a reader.

  10. This is no longer cute or sad or romantic. They are horny teenagers who found someone they could talk to. They are both seemingly intelligent and good with words. Ooooo that must mean there are deep feelings.....
    Not even, just stupid hormones. She even mentioned sex, and the way she said it makes it clear that she wants it. Since she clearly wants it(and is making no effort to hide that fact), inevitably it's going to happen.
    Even if they finally fuck, they will never last. Teenage relationships rarely do.

  11. dear steph T... i am enough of a romantic and optimist to point out that never and rarely are two different things....i am also enough of a realist to think that lasting is not the only amazing thing a relationship can do... although maybe that a romantic notion too...WW

  12. "framed for the whole world to see" - what? Isn't this supposed to be a personal email. sounds to me like Stacey has been reading comments to previous emails and has changed her tune to make herself more popular.
    Bit too big brother methinks...

  13. WW, I love the word 'grand' too. And she does adore him. She does.

  14. Andy pls don't be disappointed. I don't think she gave in here. I think she gave in a few emails ago. It just took 'til now for her to be more kind and honest.

  15. Miss Holly you sound delightful. I agree I think Stacey has offered us hope. Perhaps they needed to fight it out to get to a place of truth again. Let's hope Dom doesn't falter.

  16. Hiranga, I love your sci tone to reply. So with that in mind - you always ground the email with a perfect landing. And even when the gravity is a little heavy you always replenish the space witha breath of fresh air.

    Okay - not sure that means but in regard to your tone comment I think you already answered it when you said:

    "I have to admit Stace has reeled me back in with this one.. It was quite a steep gesture with what she has written in here. I really was not expecting this."

    I didn't expect it either but the steep gesture is the lens to view it, I reckon.

    Nicely put, H.

  17. Anon (11:03) Don't you have a fine memory. I'm right impressed.

  18. HaveIMetHerYet,
    "they both love the drama they're living..."

    I love this comment. Indeed it makes me want to enjoy the drama I'm living.
    Wonderful comment.

  19. Steph T, oh no - I thought this one would bring you back - it seems to be frustrating you more. If it helps, I think Stacey is being coy and faux adult about it. I Still thikn there is depth, but I think your observation that maybe they're not as deep as they bothe think they are is kinda interesting.

    (Hope I'm not putting words into you mouth. Ir misreading your comment)

    I'm curious how do you think Stacey should've reacted?

  20. Anon (6:11) I think it's amazing that there maybe a big brother element to this. I had never once considered this. So wow, what an observation. How thrilling. Do you think there are any other clues to suggest this?

  21. "Hey Dom I'm sorry I effed your best friend. I wish we were the ones who had sex instead, it would have been terrific. - Stacy"


  22. this seems a bit too convenient for my liking... it was rather easier to look at things when mails were going inward.... both of them getting raw, honest and more intimate with every step...

    does anybody think shes only going down this route cos she got so terrified by Dom's hotel mail and she's only writing this as "nice doggie, nice doggie... sit.. sit... stay!" technique while she searches for a rock to aim at his head!

  23. Am I the only one who thinks the PS might feel like a kick in the teeth to the recipient?

  24. Ipshi, I think this is a really interesting reading and I suspect she too wants it to get back as you called "...(the) mails were going inward.... both of them getting raw, honest and more intimate with every step..."

    Perahaps she thinks it veered off track (which it did) and also feels responsible for that. So I reckon the apology is genuine but the agenda is wanting to return to how it was. After all she does mention how much she loved the old banter. Here's hoping it does.

  25. John O - the post is a little kick in the teeth but as one commenter stated she uses the phrase 'great mates' not 'good friends'

  26. Hey all,

    This will be my first post to the topic. I've followed it for awhile now. The only thing that kills me is the wait! Oh, and Stacey's 'details,' letter. That one made my gut twist.

    That said, *this* letter did come as a bit of a shock. Certainly made me grin, though! And you know Dom is going to be jumping for joy when he reads this one. Nice guy-- to let the Marcus thing slide. Not sure if I could've (would've) done the same.

  27. Hi Anon (6:11) great to hear from you. Thank you so much for commenting. Please feel free to comment anytime.

    One of the things I love about how this whole thing has evolved is the intelligence, warmth, honesty, humour and narrative and personal frustration. And you

    "not sure if I could've (would've) done the same"

    Feel right in tone. Thank you so mich for sharing.


    PS and please feel free to share it around too via facebook, twitter etc. I am certain that a personal endorsement from you would be something truly amazing.

  28. Doms response should give us a better view into the type of person he is. Does he forget the past and try to make a future? Or does he burn the bridge, never to return.

    Deep, man.

  29. Really curious to see how Dom responds. He did get the apology he was looking for, but does he bite?

  30. Also, I never liked Stacey too much, but I like her a lot more after this last e-mail. Maybe I'm just sick of the cryptic, game-playing e-mails and Stacey's relative straightforwardness in this e-mail is a welcome change.

  31. Wow. Didn't think this would happen.
    I think it was awesome of her to come to realization how cryptic or withdrawn she can be. From the earlier emails til now, she has definitely broken out of her shell.
    (I think Dom is/can be a good influence in her life).

    And thank goodness she apologized for the too-much-information-about-sleeping-with-Marcus bit. Still the sheer mention of it just made me cringe to recall what she had said previously.
    Oh well, I'm curious to see what Dom will write.
    I liked that she mentioned how eager she was to find another e-mail from him -- how she desperately wanted one. There's still hope yet.

  32. Dux, you are deep and as a sneak preview in a couple of postings time - your suggestion of forgetting the past - or indeed relation to time itself continues to be a topic of conversation btwn the two.

  33. Jason, hear hear - Stacey is finally telling it. And Dom would never bite. Nibble maybe.

  34. Stephanie, I do feel bad as I always knew there was hope and hated watching readers lose hope over the last few weeks.

    And I agree, Dom has been good for her. I also think in the long run she will be good for him too.

    Isn't that what loves about?

  35. so how do we celebrate the 50th post???? Cannot wait!!!


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