Posts
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < mailto:printthisplease@printthis.com >
Sent: Saturday, May 22nd, 1999 11:54 AM
Subject: RE RE RE so sorry
What about someone who listens to you…doesn’t get shit-faced-drunk and leave without saying goodbye…?
What about someone who doesn’t point at you…call you cruel and then tip their drink…?
What about someone who doesn’t write passive aggressive emails from up high?
What about that…?
Fair point Stacey, well presented. You didn't have to be such a bitch with the details email, but I can't really argue with you here.
ReplyDeleteAlthough the drink spilling. Don't know if we've ever established it was on purpose. (see haven't abandoned team Dom entirely)
Jo, I think it wasn't on purpose. It'd be too much.
ReplyDeleteI think I like this answer :)
ReplyDeleteAgain, as much as I hate Stacey, believe me I do. He does tend to be quite passive aggressive.
Then again, I feel like she is still just trying to justify what she did. She is scapegoating Dom for what she did.
We get it, he was drunk, he left, it's all his fault. It almost seems like she knows people are reading and she is trying to convince us of her innocence.
Maybe she is trying to convince herself....
Either way, still not on her side and never will be.
yes everytime people neglect to say goodbye to me...i find one of their friends and fuck them musically!!!...manners are important and there are cosequences!!! seriously stacey ..cmon girl!!.. clearly i am a bit wierd cos this email annoys me so much more than the last one that upset everyone else... this is just small.. in length and in bravery and in humanity... and yet she replied. And that means she adores Dom .. she does!! happy endings? who knows... sooooo many fuck ups between them... but unless she is crazier than i think and needs some sort of forgiveness and absolution or to convince him its ALL his fault in spite of overewhelming evidence to the contrary... then the only reason to reply is to continue it.. because she is as addicted as he is... because she adores him!...well anyway... that is my theory which belongs to me....WW
ReplyDeleteOooghh.. Yeaahrr.. i have to say i told you so.
ReplyDeleteShe is going to drag his immature self, dead or alive, back into reality by continuing to brutalise him. And see, she does have a point. Who invites a girl out on a date, and ends up leaving her to her own doing, without saying good bye??! If a girl did that to me I would be somewhat like - "omg! she went home?? ...*pause*.. BITCH!! screw this - i can do better! "
Which.. kinda is exactly what Stacey did..
I wouldn't go so far myself, WW, to say that she replied to Dom because she adores him.. there WAS a connection.. it is still there, but it is diminishing i feel, and it is very very damaged. Instead, i feel this email is moreso a bitch slap to get Dom thinking straight, and perhaps to snap him out of the whole 'lover boi' state of things, because it feels like she has realised maybe it was not meant to be between Dom and herself, and Marcus is (..perhaps) ... "exceptional"..
Re-read this: "What about someone who listens to you…doesn’t get shit-faced-drunk and leave without saying goodbye…? " Its blunt. Crude. Truthful. And she sounds terribly hurt by it. I imagine all of you could relate if this happened to you on a date. Really.. who does that?? I would have at least told her "hey im not holding up so well Stace.. i need to get out of this place.." [PS. i HATE it when i end up rhyming when i'm in a serious tone. Damn. Moving on]
If Dom reaaaally wanted someone to care for him.. If that last email was sooo truthful about himself.. then why would he hold back himself from letting Stacey know that HE IS human - he made a mistake - he drank too much - and now he is likely going to be sick - "just letting you know, IM LEAVING; im sorry for killing this night early; i am unstable at the moment; and you are seeing me now, probably quite close to my worst; but you know, ITS OKAY, cos its YOU, and you're nice, and fun, and i like you, and I GOTTA GET SOME PLACE SAFE BEFORE I MAKE A MESS OUT OF MYSELF, STACEY. Sorry!"
Would that seem so bad if he said some of that to Stacey before bailing on her?
ReplyDeleteYou know it's okay to let someone know that you are insecure.. Especially when you know they care for you - at whatever degree that may be at..
In fact this is the kind of Dom that was looking for affection and lovey dovey stuff in his previous email.
But Stacey obviously didn't see it on the night.
And by judging this email, she CERTAINLY did not feel it in Dom's last one.
Just some food for thought, what about if Dom had just told her "hey im not holding up so well Stace.. i need to get out of this place.." AND THEN added: "walk me to the taxi..?" or even.. "im going to head home.. -chill out for a bit.. Hey um do you want to come over ? Btw im going to be sick very soon."
.. " P S..i've got that book on dianetics that you've been dying to read. - im sure that will occupy you for a bit while i vommit my lungs out because im a dumbass for getting too drunk on a date with a really cute chick."
You'll notice my sarcasm towards the end but i'm sure you get the picture. He could have been so plain about it. Sure, its not exactly the most romantic thing when your date gets THAT "shit faced", but you know at least he could have been straight about it! I reckon if Stacey had known she would have found it kinda cute.. maybe even taken him back to her place and made sure he got some rest. And talked and stuff. - and i mean proper rest, my dear Olives lol - lets face it - no one wants to get barfed on during procreation. :)
It's sad how all he had to do was let her know that he's feeling not so well and needs to bail. Instead this has all unravelled and she is really cut up about such a trivial thing. Actually, its because it's such a trivial thing that she is sooo missed off!! It's quite an effe up. And his last email now makes him look like a bit of a fake in my mind.
I am disappointed.
and my typo is quite an effe up too! :P
ReplyDeletepissed* off; eff* up.
:)
Nope, I'm with Anonymous 2.20pm on this one. I think Stacey is using Dom's behaviour on the date as an excuse for her own (although, I wasn't there. Maybe he got so drunk it was embarrassing. But hell, haven't we all done that exactly when we were trying to impress someone? He was probably nervous as hell.) And as for being straight with her, I'm sure he wasn't exactly thinking of anything other than getting the bejesus out of there at the time. And he DID send her a very lovely message the next day. If she hadn't have jumped immediately into bed with Marcus then she would have read that before this stewed away inside her and she blew it out of proportion.
ReplyDeleteSo, my post-match analysis of Stacey's points:
1. Shit-faced drunk and not saying goodbye: see above. Point goes to Dom.
2. Pointing / being called cruel / spilt drink: the pointing is admittedly bad manners, the calling cruel is entirely justified, the spilling drink assumedly wasn't on purpose: Point to Dom.
3. Passive agressive emails from up on high: ok that one is fair. Point to Stacey, with the caveat that her own emails are directly and actively aggressive and who says that's any better?
CONCLUSION: Go Team Dom.
Wow, has anybody else noticed how everyone seems so ok with the idea that Dom should have just accepted he was drunk, apologised to Stacey, asked her to be with him because he needed her, and progressed on to puke or pass out? And almost everyone believes that if this had happened, Marcus wouldn't have had a chance and everything wud b great.
ReplyDeleteIF only the world knew that there were so many generous souls out there who can accept others' mistakes, forgive them and move on.
There would be lesser nervous men & women out there, people wouldn't wouldn't get suicidal because their insecurity took a bad fall.
Each one of you here has given me the hope that if i mess up by doing something human (excluding anything violating major ethical codes), I have a chance of being forgiven. You guys are truly special.
@steph: thats exactly what iv been thinking... she is trying to convince us or herself so very badly
ReplyDelete@ww: "this is just small.. in length and in bravery and in humanity" I LOVE this sentence... i had to re-read the small email to truly comprehend the feelings and i totally see what u mean. However I think she might have replied because she just wants to have the last word and convince herself and any future readers of her innocence.
@hiranga: I agree that she does not sound like a woman writing to someone she adores. It sounds exactly like a bitch slap!
@zilla: i loved ur "i've got that book on dianetics..." excuse for Dom, I'd have loved to hear a drunk guy try to say that to me... for sheer effort alone id have gone home to take care of him. :)
@missy: LOVE your scoreboard, methinks u shud have one with EVERY mail, please!! papa bear please back me up on this!! wasn't the caveat a briliant thought??? :)
Naawww hahaa! i don't think it will be fair to simplify this down to a point system!! hahaha it is hella funny though lolll.. The basis of my judgement is that you can't distinguish love from lust on a point system, so yeah - i reckon it could get way too messy haha :P
ReplyDeleteMissyM is right about Dom's email36 - it is quite a blinder!! I re-read it just then to refresh my memory. But we all know.. it was too late. Too little. and too late in my opinion.
Too bad. And right now it's just oh so sad.
we wouldn't simplify it... the scoreboard will only be there like a dummies guide to what's happening in D&S world. its brilliant, intelligent and very funny! hats off missy :)
ReplyDeleteOh no Steph, I hope Stacey will bring you 'round. I do think she acted foolishly but I suspect there's some insecurity there.
ReplyDeleteI guess I have the luxury of knowing what's coming but I kinda feel for her. She's too damn complicated.
WW, welcome to Bored Olives comments. I think your astute observation of that she continues to reply is spot on. After all we are purely defined by our habitual actions. And Stacey's fundamental one - is she keeps replying. That action in itself is very telling as you have so cleverly observed.
ReplyDeleteHiranga, yes I agree he should have said he was going - this was an error and I suspect telling. I suppose he didn't want to shame himself or maybe reveal a truer self once sozzled.
ReplyDeleteAs the Russians say - A sober man's mind is on a drunken man's tongue.
Zilla G - welcome to comments as well. I love your wit and playfullness. Very funny. Dianetics rant - funny.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're observation of Barfing and procreation - feels like a real truism.
(Except the Jerry Springer episode - it will haunt me forever)
I also think your curio about Dom's fakery is really interesting. Makes me think of persona and truth.
Hmmm much to ponder.
Missy M - I think your point system is fab'. You are another true treasured voice in this odd but human discussion.
ReplyDeleteAnd your comment made me ponder if Stacey's anger is coming in part out of guilt.
Maybe folk have said this before but I only understood it for the first time here.
Point goes to you Missy M.
Ipshi - adorable as ever. You a true fine one, you are.
ReplyDeleteHiranga, I promise it gets happier (sad again and then happy then sad, then happy etc)
ReplyDeleteYep - I agree with Ipshi - doffing my hat to you too Missy
ReplyDelete"What about someone who listens to you[..]"
ReplyDeleteThis entrigues me. She seems to be implying that Dom didn't listen to her that night. Could he have been more engrossed with his friends than Stacy once the alcohol kicked in? (I find this happens on occasion. Men/Friends/Alcohol seem to mesh much better than Men/Women/Alcohol)
Just a little thought that popped into my head...
- PennyPup
The only thing that popped into my head when I read that email was - BAM! Talk about a bitch slap!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if she replied really quick as soon as she read that email.....it reads like an angry, knee-jerk reaction, with not much thought and a WHOLE lot of crankiness!
BAHAHAHA omg i was wondering how the hell you guys all knew my highschool nickname!?!, and then as it turns out, i screwed up the profile i was commenting from LOL SO SORRY - there may be a little confusion now:
ReplyDeleteSorry Stephen! zilla g is actually ME, Hiranga, continuing my first post! :D hahaha woooooops!!
Epic fail.
@Miss Holly, i do concur with the knee-jerkiness of this email. It does seem rather spontaneous.
Hirangaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
ReplyDeleteu r such a scamp... i wud've fallen off my chair if i was in fact sitting on one!!! look at us fawning over the playfulness of zilla's quote... ARGH!!!
it wasn't meeeeeeeeeee BAHAHAAA no really, it was!! HAHAAA
ReplyDeletei know i know MA BAAAD!!
Haha, aw shucks, I am happy to provide a scoreboard from now on, but I am a bit biased towards Dom. I will try to make my score system objective..ish.
ReplyDelete(Stephen are there lots of mails to go? I hope so...the commentary is as enjoyable as Dom & Stacey. Where did you get that hard drive from? Maybe go and get some more!)
oh, and i agree with @WW's point about stacey continuing to reply. if she didn't care, she'd be indifferent and just disappear. trust me, i am familiar with this tactic (in a bad way).
ReplyDeleteThe communications between Stacey and Dom are incredibly uncanny to the experiences I have had. Its very strange.
ReplyDeleteStacey feels bad about what shes done, I think in the last email Dom hit below the belt in an incredibly subtle and roundabout way, Stacey has picked up on this and has attacked Dom on pointless, almost irrelevant, points.
Grow up, Stacey. You're a woman, not a teenager.
Penny Pup, what an interesting thought. Perhaps Dom was as truthful in his email. ANd we do only get to read one side of a post game analysis. Of course there might be many details left out.
ReplyDeleteMis Holly, I think you're spot on. It does read like Stacey didn't think and just fired off as response quickly and emotionally. I guess she just lived in the moment.
ReplyDeleteHiranga you are a shifty one. I must admit I was confused that you seemed to correct another commenters comment. Though I rationalised it - thinking I must be mistaken. Surely one of the best rationalisations ever, right?
ReplyDeleteMissy M, yes there's a few emails to go - and in the meantime I am searching garage sales for more found narratives.
ReplyDeleteYou go, Dux. Let Stacey have it!
ReplyDeleteIt WAS rather shifty Stephen!! so shifty not even i realised until people started referring to my alter ego :P Now THAT was shifty- i thought it was just a joke - you guys had been stalking me or something! haha Cheaauhh!!! that was quite tha rationalisation right thurr Stephen! Quite thee!
ReplyDeleteHmm.. i wonder what other details are missing from that night..
Email36, in hindsight might tell us a bit more about the night. In reading it again i do get the feeling that perhaps e36 may have been Dom trying to make Stacey feel safe that she was all he cared about on the night.. when perhaps this wasn't exactly the case? Maybe? ..It kind of makes sense if you look at the extents to which he has gone to try and say that they were separate from the rest of the people. That they remained unique to the collective(s) around them. Whether on not this is true or a manipulation of his drunken state at the time, we will will not know for sure.. but Stacey's "someone that listens" comment suggests this.. - that perhaps Dom lost himself to the collective.. forgetting about Stacey for a while.. Email37 Stacey completely discounts all of which Dom had said - there must be reasons for this (besides her sleeping with Marcus), particularly when she has addressed the topics in all the other emails she has responded to.
There is that, and also how Dom apologises for his friend barging in on the date. I personally don't see it as a big deal, but "im SO sorry.. i HONESTLY didn't know they were coming .." sounds like a very big deal! - almost like he's excusing himself for something simple that happened because his friends showed up.. It also sounds quite suspicious: "i honestly didn't know they were coming" I dont understand what there was to apologise so much about unless he actually invited them?
Anyway that's just a little speculation on my part - i like to pick at things till they make sense and it just seemed interesting to dive back into the direct aftermath of that night..
Does anyone else pick up on anytihng like this from email36?
Hiranga, you're a true detective. I love your digging. My life is so full of questions - can you answer them please?
ReplyDeletelol certainly Stephen - shoot! :)Though if you're about to ask me about the meaning of life i can assure you the answer is 42. period. ;)
ReplyDeleteOkay how about - why do I always have to chew the ends of pens?
ReplyDeletelol... really wanna know the answer to that :)
ReplyDeleteu know stephen, i feel like sending u a thank u message every single day for everything u have done... u sir have changed my life
I reckon you most likely chew the ends of your pens out of anxiety or frustration. Either of the two because you can not put the pen to use - its purpose is therefore lost momentarily, as you succumb to the depths of your thought about what you are to write with this dispenser of ink. Or maybe your thoughts are too cluttered and important for you to express them simply as words in a sentence.. and in your hesitations you are anxious, until refined.. ?
ReplyDeleteI doubt it is actually because you are bored - this would be too little of an incentive, that is unless you like the taste of plastic, or metal.. or old dried out saliva. Excuse me for a second. i think i just vommited a little in my mouth. lol. Hey would that thought make you less likely to continue chewing your pens?
I might be all wrong though - to be honest i've got nothin on Tin Tin - that round headed guy is tha shiznit of detectives! Blistering barnacles!! [lol and Captain Haddock had the best lines evaa!]
HAHAHAHA oh well done Hiranga, you have stated my exact thoughts on pen chewing.
ReplyDeleteStephen- I know how you feel. I know all of this and I try to stop myself but still find that I absentmindedly chew pens. I have even chewed a pen or two that wasn't my own.
Brilliant interpretation....
Okay. I completely agree with Dux on this one. Stacy has been backed into a corner, weak and deflated. These points were totally irrelevant, and now she just seems to be making a sad attempt at trying justify her actions.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but fucking your interest's "best friend" is nowhere near on the same plain of existence as leaving a date because you're drunk. Nor does the the latter justify the former.
She did something wrong, and she needs to own up to it.
That being said, I'm curious to how Dom will take this. Poor boy is hooked, either way.
Thank you Ipshi, that's very sweet of you.
ReplyDeleteHiranga - thank you - a wonderful answer and
ReplyDeleteyes that thought has stopped me chewing the ends of my pens (gotta be careful not to put the letter 'i' in there by accident)
Steph, me too I've chewed other people's pens and even given them back. What is wrong with me?
ReplyDeleteHi Pencap, welcome to the comments. Great to have you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for you're reading. I agree Dom is hooked and tomorrow we will find out how he responds. I'm a little nervous about the posting, I have to say.
@stephen Major ROFLMAO moment at the pens and i joke...omg... ur so funny!!!
ReplyDeletealso a bit of the heart stopping moment about D's response... ur nervous??? now im a wreck!! its not right how much i like this blog...
Thanks as always Ipshi.
ReplyDeleteDon't chew Pencap.
ReplyDeleteOk while as i posted before i understand her view point, i think there has to be a little more understanding on her part... for goodness sake, she just told the guy the details of how she fucked his friend, and don't get me wrong like i said I understand the meaning behind it, she does know now that he's hurt and interested, he could be much more of a prick than he is at present... and enough with the spilled drink already... I know it's a subliminal attempt to get the tension broke, but sometimes you have to have resolution before you can have comfort.
ReplyDelete