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Sunday, August 1, 2010

43rd email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Thursday, May 20th, 1999 17:01 PM
Subject: So sorry

Hi Stacey,

I just wanted to say I was so sorry for my behaviour at lunch.

I really want to blame the palatable sense of hippy anger on my passive aggressiveness.

But that’s a cop out. And I should take responsibility for myself, hey!?

Kinda like that Jules Pfeiffer cartoon. Have you seen it? Have you read him?

Anyway Pfeiffer has this cartoon – say five panels.
I’ll paraphrase – but you’ll get the point.

1: A Guy cleaning the dishes in a restaurant and the caption says – I’m just doing my job.

2: A Guy cleaning an office and the caption says – I’m just doing my job.

3: A Guy teaching Children in a classroom and the caption says – I’m just doing my Job.

4: A Policeman arresting a Protester and the caption says – I’m just doing my job.

5: A head of State after pressing the button that launches the bomb and the caption says – I’m just doing my job.

So this is me saying – hey I’m not doing my job.

Indeed my job sucks.
My actions suck and I’m going to do something about it.
I’m going to say – sorry Stacey – I was a fool.
It was me. I did it. I am to blame.

I mean, you have the right to do what with whomever.

And Marcus is a good guy.
He’s passionate and strong.
I feel so stupid for dissing him.

For truly - if the world ended I’d want him on my team because he’s not scared of killing a chicken and he can run really fast.

And he smells good. I really get that. He smells so good!

Shit, now I’m starting to sound mean again. Don’t mean to.

I was just a little jealous, that’s all. And I can’t help think that if I’d stayed at the Norman with you that little bit longer – hadn’t got so fucking drunk and gone home that maybe we could have seen sunrise together instead.

Now I sound like I’m guilt-tripping you. Fuck, sorry again.
My feelings are all over the place.

I know one feeling - I shouldn’t have called you cruel at lunch.
I really shouldn’t have.
You’re not cruel.
You’re not.

And I hope you and Marcus will be happy together. I really do.



  1. Good. Finally some closure. Dom you're a douchebag in person but you're always so clever while hiding behind a computer screen. Well guess what - it's over, so take a hike asshole.

  2. Lance, welcome back. Missed you thoughts in the comments. How'd you know Dom is a douchebag in person? do you know him? Met him? Or at least someone like him?

  3. Move on Dom, you missed your window.
    Don't try and be friends.

  4. wow...harsh!!!... Just be friends can work: I know it!! The problem is they arent even friends yet , they were getting there, but not yet. And it doesnt seem to me like Dom is the douche bag. He was surprised and hurt and acted surprised and hurt and probably a bit bitchy: that doesnt seem unreasonable!He takes responsibility for it all, which is the bit that seems to me a cop out, but that is all he can do. Lets see what responsibility Stacey can take. Although as a nihilist ... maybe none!!!

  5. He wouldn't let it lie. The first hurdle, the first test, in the path of romantic love. And Dom has proven to be a perfect sucker, a perfect candidate for the World's Masters Romantic Lover. Self-abasement, apologies for authentic feelings, hope beyond hope, faux honorable praising of the opponent... Dom, you're a beaut. And dear vain Stacey... poor things. If they'd known they'd become characters in our voyeuristic blog, and I say "our" -- because we're all darned guilty in this hard drive archeology -- they might not have exposed themselves quite as much as they have till now. It's all so human. The humanity, oh the humanity. Young love, romantic love, any love exposes our strengths and weakness, much in the way that the wreckage of a building shows its sturdy girders, and vulnerable concrete. What a mess. Broken hearts, broken promises (the promise of love they both indulged in), broken masks and broken dignity. She should turn her junk mail filter on against Dom, just to save herself and him from our godlike fascination and horror. Alas, alack, alarm. (DG, Essex, UK)

  6. Anon (12:32) But I hope they can be friends. Actually I still hope for more.

  7. Anon (1:15) I like your analysis that they aren't quite friends yet. I hope they can find a place of deeper connection.

    Actually I'd be happy it they were in the same room together.

    And I agree. I don't think Dom is a douchebag. I kinda love him.

  8. Essex, love your comment. Another one that supercedes the post perhaps. I love your term; 'hard drive archeology' it's so apt.

  9. arghh... fuck.. I can understand Lances frustration. Being the nihilist Stacey claims to be, beign in the moment, of the moment, she committed to the moment.. and so here is the punch line - she did what she did, and goign by her mindset, it

    I feel bad for Dom.. but he succumbed to emotion at their lunch gathering, and it sounds like his insecurities poured out.. as they have continued to do so in this email. Which.. is not, frankly speaking.. attractive. I think its okay to being a romantic. I don't think it is okay to fall to your knees, and try to justify your self worth, to yourself, via someone else (ie. this letter, and their lunch convo - whatever happened there).. and.. even exposing this.. ugh.. its crushing.

    Everyone has done this before. But in the end.. everyone needs to realise they're own anger,and pride, and even judgement, and measure it upon themselves. Dom has every right to be pissed off. Emotion is off the moment. in the moment. On that level Stacey's mindset is quite reasonable - because you think about it, the only thing that (should) drives us in these situations is emotion. In love, (again thinking of it in its most holistic, idealistic sense) emotion is the only truth. And in saying that.. Dom betrayed himself with this email.. by apologising for his anger.. Truth is, he just apologised.. and he'll probably look at himself later on and think "what tha fuck.. - No - i am still pissed off..and so i should be!!" so why the shit apologise?.. man.. But you know, we all learn from it. He should realise he didn't do anything wrong. According to her beliefs he was completely pure at the lunch thing. But he crossed those wires all over again with this email.

    She however.. i feel, threw away a lot of trust that they gained of each other. Well.. if i was Dom.. all of it. But again, she did make her state of mind clear beforehand - so should Dom have known it was to this extent? i dunno.

    For Stacey to commit this action of hers purely in line with her nihilistic beliefs, then i agree with Anon above - how much responsibility can she be expected to take? And how much faith can you have in such a person?

    As far as relationships go.. she just fucked it off for both of them.. trust is invaluable. That whole Trust VS Care factor thing really shows now..

    I don't think Dom should succumb to shading his anger and absorbing the negatives he inflicted on this scene, back upon himself... Particularly if she sticks to her nihilism and feels no remorse..

    But Dom.. he should have known better.. well.. we wish he knew better. Apologising for something as pure as emotion within the moment, especially when he SHOULD be angry.. is a weakness in him, and he just revealed that to her.. It was a douchebag move.

    If he can find it within himself to realise he is justified in anger, and find his self worth, not degrade his values to sit in line with Stacey's, then he is not worthy of satisfying himself. And that can be a vicious cycle. Perhaps if he realises his own righteousness in time, he may have enough to gain some respect from Stacey. And perhaps Stacey will seek some forgiveness.

    But for him to attempt the friends thing now... this, would be the greatest cop out. And it will hurt. ..i guess, as it should. Damn.

  10. Oh Hiranga - you are competing with Essex for comment of the day. I love how it pours out of you and I'm keeping up. I'm keeping up. I'm there.

  11. It's a pity this is Dom's hard drive. I'd love to see Marcus's emails. Although I guess that's the point. Marcus doesn't email. Marcus dates!

  12. oh shiit.. on multiple levels!! i had a massive comment to post and it got murdered in cyberspace.. faaaaak! I am trully a sad panda now.. Umm yes.. i will be back to comment on this letter later.. when i am less angry at technology.. ARGHHHHH!! ok ok lol. if anyone says Dom shouldn't have apologised because he is right to feel angry, then good. I agree. He didnt fuck up! She fucked up! Nihilist or not, a relationship is about trust. Now.. im off to be angry at my computer for a long while.. GRR

  13. OMG my post DID survive cyberspace!! HOORAY - my apologies for the last one then HAHAH IT SENT THROUGH!!! MARSHMELLOWS!!!!

    but not really.. Staceyyyy.. damn you Stacey.. <.....bitch..> lol.. naa i dunno.. ahh shit damn her.

  14. Oh my. This post makes me sad and happy all at once. I like that he had the balls to stand up to her at the coffee shop and admit he was angry. I'm upset that he apologised for it. She doesn't deserve an apology, although he does. He made a bad move when he decided to write this email. He should have left her in guilt and agony with her own thoughts and emotions. I hope she doesn't read this for a while. I really hope that she can let whatever he said at lunch (I'm really hoping it was as profound as I think it was) sink in. She deserves some agony for all of the agony that she has put him (and us) in.
    Stacey has yet again made me hate her. (Maybe not hate but I'll decide when I'm less upset about this.)
    I have lost a little bit of respect for Dom now.

  15. Hiranga, interesting you think she fucked up? Does anyone want to defend Stacey?

  16. ST, I am happy and sad too. I have sent many an email I wish I hadn't. But I guess that's what makes us human. Making mistakes. Being happy and sad at the same time.

  17. @essex - your comment was like a poem, so well structured and brilliantly put together.. i almost applauded! (especially at , alack, alarm... mmmmm)

    @hiranga - i almost cringed as I read ur comment (im talking about the monster that came first).... i completely relate to Dom's self flagellation. I understand why he might hate himself for being angry at the coffeeshop. He just wants a second chance and he thinks she might hold his words against him later so he's backtracking in hopes of a future

    i dont know who i hate more... stacey for having given up on Dom and their cute little repartee... dom for introducing marcus and for apologising ... marcus for being marcus and for hitting on his bro's girl!!

    Happy Friendship Day everyone! :)

  18. Happy friendship day to you too, Ipshi. And if it helps - repartee will return soon.

    (I'm not giving anything away, am I?)

  19. @papa bear ... thanks, i really needed that ray of hope. sometimes that's all you need when a friend's heart has been trampled on.

    I wonder why so many of us relate more to Dom than Stacey? Is it the underdog thing? Or is it because we've all been there... being miserably in love but not wanting to look like too much of a geek...

  20. Ipshi, it is an interesting question. Tho I know there are some out there that relate to Stacey more.

    I think some relate to Dom because he's putting his heart out there. But Stacey will arrive. Perhaps she more overtly complicated. Maybe Dom is only revealing an identity and his insecurities have truly yet to be revealed.

    It will be interesting to observe if allegiences change as the story unfolds.

  21. Is that the last one! :(

  22. :) i do like the ray of hope.. but as a male, i strongly feel his self flagellation is more a betrayal of his own humanity, than is his yearning for an emotion, and is worth far more than the forgiveness he may receive from Stacey - and that is IF Stacey forgives him. IF. It may be that there is still hope in this situation.. -as Papa bear has so subtly mentioned.. :P - but in terms of a lesson to be learnt.. he doesn't deserve to have to judge himself. This is weakness. And he shouldnt except this. On his part. When he did nothing wrong, beside react to what i feel deeply as betrayal. Both from his friend Marcus. And Stacey.

    Something's can be taken back. Like words. Not this. The damage is done. If Stacey is good enough to gain Dom's trust back, then so be it.. but otherwise.. i would not expect Dom to look back - he will only consume his own self up more..

    If she cared enough for him, and the trust she has gained, she would not have done this. Bottom line is.. she did. Humans make mistakes. Mistakes can be forgiven. But for it to be treated trivially is not something i would feel comfortable with.. If this is love, she deserves the same humility Dom is putting himself through, before Dom excepts her back.. I think anyway.

    It may sound harsh. But the damage is done.

    Ipshi, can you imagine the hurt Dom would have gone through, upon hearing what Stacey had to say? For him to treat it like he over reacted is ludacris.. He reacted, as any human being would have. One should not second guess instinct, when instinct is all that matters.

    -Likewise, just because you say you are nihilist, it does not mean you have to behave like one, to prove to yourself that you are one. No person's spirituality is identical. And so it should not be. Because the spirit is from within. It can never be the same. Not unless you are so closed off from your true self, that you are only a projection of what you assume yourself to be to everyone that sees you. The result is emptiness, and deceit. Of yourself especially. I do not know about everyone else here, but i would never concede emotion over religious beliefs. She made a choice. She could have made a more humane choice (if she cared about Dome) IF.

    How would you guys feel about it now? I still feel betrayed, on behalf of Dom. And then he did not have the strength to not further betray himself.

    I am disappointed. In both of them really. I do think Stacey effed it up, for her and Dom. But such is life.

    You live to learn. Learn to live. There is always hope. Always.

    Truth is everyone will hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.
    -Bob Marley.

    I feel these are very meaningful..

  23. Anon (8:32) No it's not the last one. It keeps getting more complicated and hurtfully human.

  24. hurtfully!!?? What the hell did I just write? Sorry (or sorryfully)

  25. Hiranga, I agree everyone will hurt you
    And we will hurt everyone in return...

  26. I think Dom had to write. If he was angry at lunch she would just walk away and leave him behind. Writing again is the only hope he has of maintaining a connection. Who among us hasn't done ridiculous things in the name of being around to sweep up the tiny frail crumbs strewn by a loved one even when they have broken us? He might get over it but while he's still breaking he needs anything she might fling at him.

    And I think he will prevail. He may have no dignity, but he will prevail.

    OK maybe I just need to believe he can... Clearly I'm on team Dom and not Stacey.

  27. @Hiranga -- everybody does hurt you, theres nothing as true as that. But can you truly fault Dom for not wanting to let go? For doing anything he can to maintain even a semblance of a relationship between them?

    I don't know how much of a front Dom's identity is but what I do know is that so many people (myself included) have this amazing capacity to internalize all of the world's problems and to see them reflected in ourselves. And if you're specially blessed with a super low esteem, then everything going wrong seems to be a direct result to something you did or said.

    Don't be mad at Dom... he's only doing whatever he can to make sure Stacey doesn't cut him out of her life forever... pride be damned. I completely agree with Jo (lovely comment... beautiful wordplay)

    Where is team stacey?? Are they like an urban legend or something?

  28. Jo, I agree with Ipshi - lovely comments. Seems we have a collective of poets here.
    (and in the spirit of the emails - what would a collective of poets be called? A verse of poets? An iambic of poets? A rhyme of poets?)

  29. Yes Ipshi - where is team Stacey!!??

  30. Sorry I've exceeded the character limit and will try to break my post up into goes

    It's not so much that I'm Team Stacey (if anything I'm Team Marcus - well played my friend) but more that I'm Anti-Dom.

    But what's with all the animosity towards Stacey? What did she do wrong? She and Dom have exchanged many friendly emails. Great. They've met up what, 3 times? And now all of a sudden she's this horrible villain because she chose to be with someone else? And the words that are being thrown out there to describe her (Vanity, betrayal, hatred etc). I think we're overreacting a tad. Betrayal my ass.

    I guess it's easy to vilify Stacey when everyone so easily puts themselves into Dom's shoes (not me, I would've bailed many moons ago). But what about Stacey's shoes? Is it a crime to not like someone as much as they like you? It would be if she deceived him or misled him along the way. But it's not like she promised him loyalty and endless love. It was like 3 dates (if you want to call them that) - and now all of a sudden anything short of marriage is a crime against humanity. AND through her emails we've known she's a bit of a nutcase all along. AND if anything she's hinted at this kind of thing all along with her "live in the moment" shit so i'm just not buying it was a betrayal of trust. and again, i don't like Stacey, but i definitely am more sympathetic towards her than Dom. Cause now she's stuck having to deal with this over-apologetic wet blanket of a douchebag Dom. I can just hear her at that meeting, "Listen Dom, you're a great guy, it's just, it's just that, well, Marcus, I mean, he's a GREAT guy (emphasis on "great" while she holds her hands 10 to 12 inches apart, stressing Marcus' superior manhood). I don't know the nature of her relationship with Marcus, but I prefer to think that they get freak nasty.

    Dom you're a hopeless romantic who fell in love with a girl who chose to be with someone else. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. You're a seemingly nice dude, your time will come, so could you please get over yourself and just back off for a second and give this chick some room to breathe. Fuck, you're suffocating me.

    It always seems like he's got something to apologize about, and nobody likes that. It makes me sick, or at the very least it's cringe-worthy. Like someone else said they've barely established a friendship at this point so enough with the desperation whoa is me crap.

  31. And that email he wrote. such a dishonest bullshit apology if I ever read one. He admits it was wrong to diss Marcus than a few lines later continues to not only disrepect Marcus but also Stacey for seeing him with that he "runs fast and smells good" shit. AND THEN,

    "Shit, now I’m starting to sound mean again. Don’t mean to."

    Bullshit! Then why don't you use the f***ing delete button you asshole. Your emails are way too scripted and constructed for me too buy that stream of consciousness crap you're selling.

    And he does it again just a little later with

    "Now I sound like I’m guilt-tripping you. Fuck, sorry again."

    Man this guy he really pisses me off. If you don't want to guilt-trip her then don't guilt trip her. Don't guilt-trip her, say you didn't mean to guilt-trip her, then apologize for guilt-tripping her...especially in such a disgustingly premeditated way.

    Likewise if you want to tell her off then tell her off. If you don't, then don't. but to throw subtle jabs at her under the guise of an apology, I think that is shameful. Especially when he's apologizing for being passive-aggressive in an email that is completely passive-aggressive. Dom you're so full of shit you're gonna float away.

    I'm probably overreacting. He probably meant the comments about Marcus catching chickens and running fast to show Stacey he can still be "hilarious" even when his heart is breaking. Yeah that's right, I put "hilarious" in quotation marks. I don't see it that way, to me Dom is a guy who was in competition for a girl and he lost, and he can't help but be a sore sport about it, and nobody likes a sore sport.

  32. Dom next time you feel like apologizing (which I'm sure won't be long), how about some raw emotion. something simple, truthful and from the gut, without the damn games and "witty" banter. Yeah that's right, I used the quotation marks again. you're overdoing it bro, in a big ugly way. but back to that email I detest...

    "And I hope you and Marcus will be happy together. I really do." - Are you f***ing kidding me? All that crap that's been spewing out of his fingertips and that's the best he could come up with - a cheap, cliched, throwaway line like that? Which I'm sure like everything else is 100% honest. I know Dom will be completely devastated when it doesn't work out between Marcus and Stacey, moreso than he is now. And then of course he will have to apologize profusely about ever speaking so highly of Marcus. I can hear him now typing away

    "Oh God Stacey I feel so terrible and I am completely to blame. Me. Myself. Blame. Me. Blame. I. Oh if only I never found you attractive. Oops. Did I just mention I find you attractive? Oh no. Disregard. I'm sorry for that. It was a mistake. Bad Dom, bad Dom. But if it wasn't for me you would have never met Marcus and...wait. Was that too egocentric? Note to self - I am not the center of the universe. I'm sorry, it's just that I'm an emotional wreck. Wait, why I am I a wreck, you're the one with the broken heart. Note to self - I am not the center of the universe" blah blah blah

    And I'm not against the "lets be friends" approach. It's a good (and probably his only) strategy at this point. He obviously doesn't want to give up on her so might as well stay in the periphery and wait for the eventual Marcus/Stacey breakdown. I just hope he can be an actual friend and not a snake in the grass. give her some damn space and let her be who she wants to be. I despise Dom now but I can see myself warming up to him, these next few emails will certainly be very telling, i just hope he lightens up on the whole douchebaggedness. And it's not that I'm unsympathetic to what happened to him. Yeah it sucks. You spend that much time buttering her up, getting her to come out of her shell and then she goes and bangs your friend (at least in my interpretation), definitely a bummer. i just can't imagine why he wouldn't want to forget it and move on asap. stacey is the holy grail just out of his reach and he needs a father figure like Sean Connery to say "Indiana...let it go."
    Or actually a better movie comparison is that Marcus is The Voice and Dom is the Ice Train, and Dom just needs to go back behind his glass wall so he can fantasize about Stacey from a safe distance while Marcus the man of action bangs Stacey and countless others.

    I know it's a bit contradictory to say we're overreacting in our negative view of Stacey and then go off on such a tirade against Dom. but the guy bothers me. and it's not all his fault - i'm probably anti-romance as much as I'm anti-Dom. I'm a porn guy 100%. so to me i've always seen something a little phony about being "romantic" - but now i'm starting to repeat one of my earlier posts when i mentioned the honesty in prostitution etc. So when it comes down to the battle of the Phony Romantic versus the Honest Slut - I'm with Team Stacey all the way.

  33. @lance - WOW. now that's passion! Um... so as far as im concerned.. yes Dom is hiding behind his witty facade but really he is just in college (or so i think)... time im sure will teach him that passive aggressive shit only works in emo music.

    im glad ur willing to give Dom some time... I hope he lives up to all our thoughts about him... i think he should leave her alone for a while too... she might just find her way back... as u said... he cant have invested so much in the relationship already!

    @papa bear - team stacey exists.. and whatta team it is!!

  34. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  35. Lance returns. And a welcomed one. It's great to have a different voice here; one that challenges the identity of the writers and questions the meanings under the text.

    I think it's an interesting point that Dom is deeply constructed the emails. To a degree, I think he is. And to a degree I think he means to hurt Stacey with this email. He is trying to be mean. He is passive aggressive. He is jealous.

    But are his tactics really dishonest? Perhaps he is genuinely sorry for his small ineffectual jabs.

    And I'm not so sure he's really constructing them. Yes he could delete but I don't quite buy that he's deliberately not deleting.
    I don't buy he's that premeditated.

    Interesting that you mention only three 'in person' dates. But what about the virtual intimacy? They have been connecting for 43 emails. There has been a grounding of 'love' in some way. Yes it's distancing. But isn't it like a form of porn' in itself? Literature porn'? email porn?

    And for this reason couldn't this hurt and hurt deeply? What if your porn' betrayed you?

    Anyway I could go on for ages. But I'll pause. Thanks Lance for your comments as always. It does shake things up and I hope for those reading it offers either another perspective or a reason to cling hard to the romance unfolding.

  36. Ipshi - team stacey is strong and loud. I wonder if Lance would look good in a cheerleader costume?

  37. And just a little request that commenters play nice please.

    Please critique me and the blog and debate among yourselves the emanings but be fair to fellow commenters.

  38. HAHA oh my, Lance I think I just developed an insta-crush on you! That's a very bold interpretation. I respect blunt honesty and that is the definition of bluntness.
    My first reading of the email produced my last comment, but after reading it again I'm starting to agree with you. I believe he could have been less passive aggressive, maybe that's who he is.
    Either way Stacey shouldn't have done what she did and although there was no formal statement that she would do nothing with anyone else, there was an implication of it. When she started talking about how when he cheated in their fake married life, she said she felt hurt, even though she knew it wasn't real. That is kind of saying something about how she would feel if he had done the same now, in their real life....relationship?
    I know how she feels because I can actually relate to her now. I know a lot of you will hate me for that but I have been in similar situation. I know she probably feels awful and probably deserves it. If she doesn't, however, feel awful...good on her. She's much stronger and more stable in her beliefs than I expected.

  39. Mister Essex, shame on you sir (deleted comment). You give the county and the 'prenom' a bad name.

  40. I saw this coming when Stacey goes, "We shouldn't e-mail anymore..."

    I called it. She and Marcus hooked up, and I don't know how poor ol' Dom didn't see it.

    Dom's the perfect guy. He'll never take advantage of you, he's really intelligent, and he's willing to connect with her on every level.

    I'm disappointed in Stacey. She's obviously been a bit interested in Dom (despite the fact that she's trying to keep it low profile) and he's shown that he's really interested in her. They made it obvious with the drunken taxicab scene.

    So why did Stacey get with Marcus? I believe it's because she was insecure about Dom; she feared his rejection, even if the chance of it was so slight. She knew a cheap guy like Marcus would hook up with her after a couple of minutes and a couple of beers, and she felt like she needed that confidence boost.

    Does Stacey have all the right in the world to do something like this? Sure. Does it make her a terrible person? Sure.

    Perhaps this isn't real, and I'm not going to say whether or not it is, but that's how I feel. Everyone relates to this, that's why it's so great. Every guy feels like Dom, and every woman feels like Stacey. If we look through the comments, I'm sure we'll notice that.

    Thanks for bringing this to us, Stephen. If it is real, hopefully they don't get too angry about us reading it.

  41. Also, Lance, I agree with you. It's how I deal with things, just raw emotion... but for some reason, no one respects that, and no one wants it, even if they say they do, save for a VERY few select people.

  42. Also, final post, by "Everyone relates to this, that's why it's so great. Every guy feels like Dom, and every woman feels like Stacey. If we look through the comments, I'm sure we'll notice that," I don't mean it literally that EVERY one feels like Dom or Stacey.

    I most likely should have said that romantics feel like Dom, and careless people (the best way to describe nihilism) feel like Stacey.

  43. As always, there is much i agree with in Lance's comments! I am however still less sympathetic towards Stacey because of the implications of the virtual relationship that has been developing thus far.. but as i have said in one of my previous posts, and reiterated by Lance, Stacey did leave the warnings - that she was/is a nihilist.. so.. How does one interpret that in the context of a relationship coming into being?

    And yea, I do appreciate the critique of Dom's emails, because i received them as.. (diplomatically speaking) "well thought out". Someone a long while back mentioned how every form of communication is manipulation.. and this is fairly evident in this email as Lance has pointed out, so i can understand if this is received by Stacey as rather agitating .. and douchebagy - lol this word is cropping up in so many forms - i give props to Lance :P

    Just on the topic of falling back on the whole "friends" thing.. i feel Dom would only further bring himself to ruins, given the current track record of apologetic throw away lines - again props to Lance for quite a realistic emulation of a future Dom-mail. The whole passive aggressive thing is very weak of Dom, and Marcus probably capitalised from this communication-wise.

    Sure, you do everything within your reach to keep the one's you love.. but there is a point where you cross the line.. and begin pissing them off. I can't be certain but i can easily see Dom approaching that point where he pisses Stacey off given this goes into redemption mode, and they try to stay friends.. But it's difficult. Stacey thus far has been surprisingly nice about dealing/sorting through these events. But anyway, going into friends mode - it's kind of like the recoil effect, where you thought you could be friends, and then it comes back to slap you in the face, that you are just a friend, and she is going out with a "fun" guy YOU introduced her to. - this would suck. It does suck.

    Looking in hindsight i feel it's time for him to learn to be a man, grow up, and give her some space. Feel pissed off. Let the raw emotion run through.. It may even help Stacey drive her own reason into her head - who knows? But Dom is naive.. and his communications do manipulate certain things.. and they represent all of his insecurities, which im sure Stacey is intelligent enough to realise herself. But in addition to this, this type of communication with secondary underpinnings, can also send mixed signals and cause confusion in Stacey's mind about what she should feel. He could in fact be polluting her own thought process..

    I'd like to think that no person actively seeks to do wrong to others. I would say that if Stacey thought about it (if she wanted to that is) she would fully understand what she really wants.. i guess that is to say that i feel she may be confused about what she has just done, and unsure how to proceed with Dom.. or Marcus for that matter.

    I don't yet believe Stacey is quite what she claims herself to be in terms of beliefs.. She has faltered before. This may be a good sign for Dom.. :)

    Ironically, the person who really benefited from the night out was the true nihilist in this story - Marcus.

    PS. the comments everyone is putting up is just epic - im learning a lot about myself also. Reading all these points of view are an invaluable reality check, especially on hindsight experiences, and my own personal values. Cheers!!

  44. When I read this post and the true gravity – nay, gravitas – of the situation made its weight felt, I wanted to vomit with rage.

    How did Dom end up between these two people? I shouldn’t wonder, it happens all the time, as I have learned from bitter personal experience. Dom is trying to build something with Stacy and along comes Marcus with a ready-made erection over which she swoons and capitulates. And she calls herself a nihilist!

    I know these people and have known them all my life. Shallow people masquerading behind isms. Sure, it’s easy to believe in nothing if you think that means existing in denial that your actions have reactions upon the human condition. I used to be jealous of these people, because I wanted to be them or be with them, but with (middle) age comes the wisdom that those who sup shallowly from the broth of life will only ever taste the scum.

    Dom, you are above this. As a fellow romantic, I understand your reactions and responses, but be done with them! wash your hands, dear boy and move on. They were made for each other – caste from the same flawed mold.

    Your world is a wider vista without them.

  45. Firstly Essex, I am so sorry for deleting your comment. It was an error on my ludite management. I want to stress that there was no reason or shame in the comment and in no way did this delightful and thoughtful commentor offer any grief.

    Again D from Essex, I am sorry.

  46. ST, I have an insta crush on Lance too. And I know what he looks like. He is insta crushable.

  47. Randell, welcome. Another great voice in the comments dialogue. Wonderfully thoughtful and honest. Man, I'm digging humanity at the moment.

  48. I agree with you Hiranga - I too am learning a lot about myself from reading the comments. I never expected that. I thought I was fully formed :)

  49. Chris, it is so lovely to read your comments. I feel your youthful pain and dearly remember our high school moments (Yes I went to school with Mr D')

    I think at times I was one of those that hid behind an ism. Egotism. And if ever it frustrated you, I apologise.

  50. @essex - im sorry if this commentathon became very hiranga and me specific ... its just that im pretty much addicted to this blog and always havsta-gotsta say something to the amazing people and thoughts displayed here

    @lance - ur raw honesty is truly something i aspire to. I agree with all you said except I don't think stacey wasn't emotionally invested. She has been pretty sentimental too... I'm just thinking Marcus was one of those Adonis-types who doesn't email... he just does (paraphrasing the rather acute comments that came before)

    Wow, these comments are beyond anything I have experienced before. Each and every one of them makes me feel... either anger, awe, respect or even sadness. Thanks to all of you for teaching me so much.

    @papa bear... a mite too overprotective are we? Aren't you a cuddle of care (wont that b a great collective?)

  51. Hiranga, I agree; these comments are almost as good as the e-mails themselves; in fact, I find myself thinking much more on the reflections in these comments than those in the e-mails! Haha! However, I don't think Dom should back off from Stacey. There's gonna be bumps in the road, and what is budding is a beautiful romance that just about any of us would kill to have. Drama, sadly, will come with that. And the last thing I want is for Marcus to be satisfied for not putting 'bros before hoes', so to speak.

    Chris, your post is beautiful woven and speaks what is on my own mind. Props to you for getting into my head, and for the wonderful quotes. :]

    Stephen, my name is spelled Randall. ;D Haha, thanks for the compliment though, I appreciate it, I really do.

  52. Ah, Stephen. I never felt you were hiding behind isms. Your ismism was always genuine to me and for that I always felt somewhat a step behind you (at least until that back-of-the-bus trivia competition!).

    There is part of me that sometimes believes this whole thing is a work of fiction, being threaded down from your intellectual pedestal, but I doubt you would be that disingenuous, so I continue on, knowing pain, despair and the ever-anticipated thud of harsh reality await Dom.

    Randall, thanks! I always assume my comments are largely ignored on web forums, but that probably says more about me than what I have to say.

  53. Randall, so foolish. I will never make that mistake again. And if it helps you have one free pass at Steven.

  54. Chris, could I be so mean to create it all?

    And I felt a step behoind you too, my friend.
    You were and will always be so damn kind.

  55. Ok I'm coming to this a bit late..but hello everyone and I'm absolutely loving the comments and wonder if perhaps there are not a few future Bored Olives style stories brewing in here too, even if conducted purely online :)

    But anyway... to the situation at hand... I feel so bad for Dom. Except that... *deep breath* Dare I say it, I didn't think Stacey was ever really up to his standards in the first place. To be brutally honest, I feel like he was just hoping she was, and reading a lot into her emails that maybe wasn't actually there. But then again, I'm usually the Dom in these situations (e.g. blindly spilling out how I feel and imagining some magical connection only to be upstaged by the Marcus), so maybe I'm just biased. Dom's probably complex and emotional and scatty and Marcus is easy going, relaxed, easier to figure out, not going to challenge her supposed nihilism... ooh I can't wait to read on!

  56. stop with the spamming!! go papa bear .. show him what uv got!

  57. Sometimes the thing that can bring two people together is the time apart to realize what they're missing... it's the old "Don't know what you got till it's gone" syndrome... The only thing is what happens if the "gonee" is gone to long, and the misser thinks they've messed up so bad that reconciliation is no longer an option and they just move on, not out of want or need, but because society and pride says it's the right thing to do?


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