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Sunday, January 9, 2011

109th email

From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: To: Oftenbark Borax
Sent: Saturday July 7th July, 1999 23:41 PM
Subject: Re Reference for Stacey Marchenkova

Dear Oftenbark thank you so much for the reference…I will certainly use it when I go for my next job…your words are certain to seal the deal…and I think it’s only fair to offer you a reference in please find attached...


PS: See you tomorrow, my furry funny friend…

Stacey Marchenkova
15/371 Brunswick Street
New Farm, Brisbane AUS

Saturday July 17th 1999


To Whom it May Concern:

My name is Stacey Marchenkova and I’ve known Oftenbark Borax for quite a long time. We’ve been writing and discussing weighty issues for the last few months.

During this time, I have found Oftenbark to be a reliable source of valuable advice.

Now I know this could read hollow so let me share some specific moments for illumination.

To start with, Oftenbark is computer literate. Now call me foolish but I’m not aware of many dogs that can use Microsoft Word and Outlook Express.

Not only that he has conquered attachments and has a good grasp of the short cut keys. Unfortunately I can not attest for his skills with other software but I am certain that he could master any programme that’s placed in front of him.

But I don’t want to pigeon hole Oftenbark Borax as a simple desk jockey. He can do so much more than that.

Oftenbark is also a wit. He can be really funny, understanding that in itself a dog that chooses to communicate in the virtual world can be a mildly humourous concept.

But just existing in the virtual world is not enough for Oftenbark. His text is also funny too; revealing a dog that not only understands comic concepts but also the need and skill to fill the concept with comic elements.

So for these skills alone, I would recommend Oftenbark for any writing or even stand up performance gig.

But again, Oftenbark is capable of so much more.

Oftenbark also has a strong sense of literature and history.

I am delighted to have been introduced to the writings of Maya Angelou through Oftenbark. I wasn’t aware of her poetry and after his suggestion; I have now taken her words to heart.

Alaric 1st is another piece of historical teaching bestowed on me by this learned canine. This introduction has led me to reengage with my ancient history passion particularly the Fall of the Roman Empire.
See I adore a sad ending.

(and to note having both these references play against each other is not only testament of Oftenbark's expansive knowledge but also his understanding that clashing these two unlikely figures together is the academic essence of comedy – IE

“There’s an Englishman, Irishman, Maya Angelou and Alaric 1st sitting in a bar...”

The gag writes itself, doens’t it?)

So with these qualities, Oftenbark could easily take on the role of teacher in any capacity. He has taught me so much and I am proud to call him sir. Plus he’d look so damn cute in black teacher’s robes.

Finally Oftenbark is empathetic. This is a quality that I regard as a true definer in humanity. And to have it in a dog is humbling to say the least.

See, I am constantly battling my own sense of self importance and Oftenbark has shown me that the Universe isn’t just an idea in my head; other people exist, other people get sad, other people are affected by the tides.

So for these qualities: Technical competency, humour, exapansive knowledge, ability to communicate and empathy to aspire to, I whole heartedly recommend Oftenbark Borax for any challenge that is placed in front of him.

Simply if you have the fortune of hiring this dog, take it. He will change your business and life for the better.

Stacey Marchenkova.


  1. Cue swelling music in five... four...

  2. Still, the joke seems to me a little staler now, she's not relating to Dom directly as much it seems, just reciprocating the Oftenbark facade. By itself it would seems more original, but after Oftenbark's witty email it runs a poor second. Also it seems devoid here of any potential relationship developments (it doesn't say much), whereas Dom was countering Stacy's deliberate distancing email with charm and humour, which had a thawing effect on the imposed coldness.

  3. Hey there, this is Anonymous 11:16 commenting again.

    Anonymous 1:53... Your read of the last three e-mails is spectacularly wrong.

    It makes no difference whatsoever that "she's not relating to Dom directly", because they both fully understand the subtext here. Dom and Oftenbark are interchangeable.

    "Stacy's deliberate distancing email" was anything but! She asks Dom "when will I see you again"? Dom replies saying they'll meet the very next day!

    To say this e-mail "seems devoid of any potential relationship developments (it doesn't say much)" is unequivocally wrong. This 109th e-mail is the most pivotal yet in their correspondence. This is the moment we've all been waiting for, and it's passed you by entirely!

    Stacey's 'next job' is a relationship with Dom. Oftenbark's character reference in the last e-mail, the list of reasons why Dom loves Stacey, has sealed the deal and won her affections. Stacey reciprocates with a similar list of her own.

    Cue swelling music in five… four...

  4. Anon (11:16) What a wonderful two comments. I enjoyed your swelling music and was dead curious to know what theme you might have in your head; what melody swells--

    Also love your reading. I do thouroughly enjoy when commenters have different readings of text and as a long time Stacey fan - I have to admit I'm siding with your here.

    See I agree that Stacey is not only offering hope - albeit through the guise and game of references - but she is also offering love.

    Anyway, thank you for your readings and swellings.

  5. Anon (1:53) Now of course this doesn't dismiss your take on the emails. This is the joy I receive from reading and batting back with commenters - that everyone has their own take. And that has to be valid.

    I hear you when you say that Stacey's response is a mirror of Dom's - that she's playing the same conceit and perhaps it is inferior. Indeed Dom's skill with words is linked to his ambitions - Stacey's isn't.

    But at least she's still playing. And this is why I believe they have to be together. They play well together.

  6. I'm not exactly in syncy with either of the Anon's on this, I mean I do believe she's being much more subtle with her hints, but they are there... The poetry reference is the one that got me thinking... and the empathy reference that went into the whole bit about everyone being affected by the tides... I think that was a HUGE reference to the email about "Oftenbark's" dislike of Staci and the way she treats Dom.

  7. is it just me who thinks that the real Dom needs to make an appearance at least? how long has it been since Dom Borax actually emailed Stacey?

    an email or two were cute, but this is going beyond the joke. its becoming mushy and lame. Bring back the quick witted Dom.

    his response need to read something like this...

    "hey Stacey, i know its been a while since we last emailed, but for some strange reason i feel like i still spoke to you during this time even though i havent..."

    i would agree that this email doesnt really push any buttons to forward the relationship in any way...its just an email about a dog as i see it.

    There is no material in this email from Stacey for Dom to make anything out of in his next email.

    im hoping things dont fizzle out...these two (three?)need to get their act together

  8. I expect Dom to say Oftenbark wouldn't let him on the computer :P

  9. Thank god you said that nabs, I was starting to think that I was the only one who didn't think this was a good response. I have been wishing for the real Dom to come back this entire time, all of this references crap is starting to get annoying. They have pretty much told each other through the dog that they wish their significant others weren't around so they could hook up. What are either of them doing about it? Playfully flirting through email and being extremely indirect about it, how original of them...
    This sequence annoys the hell out of me.

  10. Chris, I'm a little confused. Do you mean Oftenbark's dislike of Elsa or Stacey. 'Cause I don't think Oftenbark dislikes Stacey.

  11. Nabs, very funny:

    "...hey Stacey, i know its been a while since we last emailed, but for some strange reason i feel like i still spoke to you during this time even though i havent..."

    If it helps Dom writes back next and it's really revealing.

    But I think there are still some things in this that does push the relationship along. IE I don't think for a second that Dom thought Stacey would offer a reference in return. If I was in her postion it would make my truly giddy.

  12. Juan, I wish he did write that - that's wonderful

  13. Steph T, wow - what a response. I love it's energy. Keep firing away, I reckon.

    I'm curions to knbow; how do you think they should go about the next stages of their building relationship ('cause I do think it's vyuilding still)

  14. whoops 'building' not 'vyuilding' not sure how I even came across vyuilding

  15. I'm sitting here shaking my head at nabs and Steph T. You guys are hating on Dom for no reason other than you can't understand his actions and they displease you.

    What does it matter that Dom's been conversing as Oftenbark now for the last few e-mails? It's clearly worked to his advantage, allowing him to air his feelings for Stacey (and lack of feelings for Elsa), and allowed Stacey to share hers. Doing this straight up over e-mail would fail completely.

    They're going to meet 'tomorrow', in person, with this knowledge. How can you have all overlooked this?

  16. anon @ 10:48pm

    You need to shake a leg, in fact shake all you want, but, it wont stop me from thinking that Dom needs to confront his fears and be upfront about his feelings. Will this continue even after they hook up? It will only lead to their ruin. They seem to be more at peace with each other apart than in real life.

    initially i thought it was quite funny, but now its beyond the joke. Adults need to own up about their feelings instead of hiding behind their alter ego's.

    Dom needs to start acting like he's got gonads the size of a horse, and do something about a situation he's going to lose control of as soon as the next desirable alpha male comes Staceys way.

    p.s. who's 'they'? the dog or Dom? the way i see it, the Dogs taken a bigger turn in things than Dom. Dom's just going along for the ride. oftenbark is Master & Commander. And that really sucks..dogs balls.

  17. A cursory Google search of their residences in 1999, with pictures:

    Dom's place of residence in 1999:

    Stacey's place of residence in 1999:

  18. I wonder if when Stacey talks about Oftenbark, she's kind of talking about Dom too...loved this post!


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