30th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Thursday, May 13th, 1999 07:43 AM
Subject: RE smart arse

Yes, I’m a smart arse. Sorry about that. Just teasing.

If anything it was a playground tease as protection against revealing that I find you attractive.

Oops, I just said I find you attractive.

Please delete this e-mail. I’d hate to see it returned to me at the bottom of your reply.


Dom

PS dog name suggestion #8-11: Paw McCartney, Paw Newman, Paw Pot, Pup John Paw II… (Or Pup Boneyiface, Pup Feetlicks, Pup Droolius)

28th and 29th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Monday, May 10th, 1999 08:21 AM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail

Oh come on… please tell me!

And keeping your e-mails - doesn’t that go against everything you believe in?

I mean you live in the moment but you archive your e-mails?

Surely you’d delete them to stop any temptation of looking to the past?


Dom

PS are you being mysterious about work as it might blow your cover…? Are you a spy!??? My God you’re a spy! Are you spying on me? I’ve sent my spies out to report on you. But they’ve come back with nothing.

PPS dog name suggestion #6: Karl Barks



----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < mailto:printthisplease@printthis.com >
Sent: Wednesday, May 12th, 1999 21:11 PM
Subject: Smart Arse

No need to send message...the title says it all.


PS dog name suggestion #7: Doggie Schnauzer MD

26th and 27th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Sunday, May 9th, 1999 22:01 PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail

Stacey,

I’m doing a general Bachelor of Arts degree. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and Arts seemed like the perfect I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing kinda course.


Dom

PS And I know you were secretive on Friday about what you want to do with your life -work-wise- but can I ask again? It’s killing me.

PPS dog name suggestion #4: Bone Jovi (now that’s lame)

PPPS You keep all your emails? What the hell!?



----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < mailto:printthisplease@printthis.com >
Sent: Monday, May 10th, 1999 23:55 PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail

Yes I keep my e-mails…you never know when you’re going to need to refer to them…

PS still not telling what I do for a job...

PPS dog name suggestion #5: Puppy Long Stocking

24th - 25th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Sunday, May 9th, 1999 20:06 AM
Subject: RE RE RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail

Okay, what does that mean? All of it.

(Except the post scripts. I get the post scripts)


Dom

PS dog name suggestion #2: Walkies Texas Ranger (starring Chum Norris)



----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < mailto:printthisplease@printthis.com >
Sent: Sunday, May 9th 1999 21:35 PM
Subject: RE RE RE RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail

Right lost it there for a second…I guess you pushed my buttons…

but I’ve regained control as the work week looms…

what do you do for work anyway…I think you told me on Friday but I’m sorry…I’ve forgotten…

Oh now I remember, you go to Uni, right? What are you studying…?

I think you told me, but I’ve forgotten…when I look back at the e-mails...it seems you’re doing something with English or Lit’?


Stacey

PS dog name suggestion #3: Jack Russell Nicholson (that’s so lame – sorry)

23rd email

----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < mailto:printthisplease@printthis.com >
Sent: Sunday, May 9th, 1999 19:23 PM
Subject: RE RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail

Okay buster…do you want me to tell you that I wanted to be kissed?
Do you want to me to tell you that I thought of you kissing me?
Do you want me to tell you that it hadn’t occurred to me but then I read your e-mail and I did think about you kissing me?

The truth is the sentiment of a kiss is very appealing…and that’s it…just the idea…

Not the people involved…not you…not even me…just the idea…

I know that sounds harsh…but it saves me from getting confused…

I do get confused…and I learnt that if I just focused on the idea and blurred everything around it…the world became easier to understand…

Simply I just break it down into behaviour, not personality…

For if I break it down into personality then there is you and there is me and there is us and there are the people in my past and there is my family and there are those in the public eye and there are those people you like and those you don’t like and there are the people that you see most days but never talk to…

And then I get confused and abandon all that I believe in.

Have you read Nietzsche? Or even Sylvia Plath? If you read them, you’ll get what I mean.

Not that I mean to sound mean…just being honest to my own beliefs…you know…

And I’m not cold…some say I am…but I’m not…I care so much I want to hurt myself sometimes…do you ever feel like that?


Stacey

PS Okay here’s a snippet of what I edited out of my drunken email:

“…and when we played the ‘let’s pretend we’re old people and married’ game and you confessed you had an affair, it actually hurt…even though it wasn’t real and we were riffing…it still hurt…

it was odd how it hurt…

I guess I was in the moment and truly felt the betrayal…

I remember saying that I knew…but I didn’t…it took me by surprise…

I wanted to cry (and for a split second) hit you…and then I remembered it was all a game…so to save face…I said I knew and I didn’t care…fuck, I hate my pride…”

PPS And dog name suggestion #1: Tom Woof or Virginia Woof for that matter.

(and please don’t let your dog read this email…not only is it private but I’d hate him to think I was being insensitive)

22nd email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Sunday, May 9th, 1999 11:03 AM
Subject: RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail

Okay, what does that mean?

‘The sentiment was sweet’


Dom

PS And I’m dead curious - what did you edit out of your drunken email?

PPS And yes I have a dog called Oftenbark. It’s a silly dog pun-name-pattern I’m starting. My next dog will be called J.S Bark. Any suggestions?

PPPS I feel a little guilty about the 'pps'. Oftenbark with his hyper tuned sixth sense and astonishing literate skills read the email. He suggested that I was only thinking of new dog's names because I was scared of him dying. Maybe he's right.

21st email

From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < mailto:printthisplease@printthis.com >
Sent: Saturday, May 8th, 1999 10:59 PM
Subject: RE Please ignore the last e-mail

I don’t think you’re a dick at all…I actually wrote you an e-mail too but I was too drunk…

accidentally sent it to someone called Dominique…a girl I work with…she replied too…

anyway in the spirit of fairness here is what I wrote (okay I censored a little bit) and how she replied…

----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: Dominique Doyle
Sent: Saturday, May 9th, 1999 2:36 AM
Subject: with superb navigation

Dom…wow what a night…man…really enjoyed it…

I loved the irony of not being in the moment…I thought it was cool that we talked about a fantasy past…I think this is how i will deal with my doctrines in the future…make them up…

bloody clever aren’t you…actually I really wanted to thank you for understanding my bullshit…so many don’t…they think I need a slap…they think I hide behind it all as an excuse for disconnection…and maybe they’re right…I don’t know…I am disconnected…

I do truly believe it though…it’s my faith...so to speak…

but hang on…how can I have faith if I believe in nothing…? And if I believe in nothing…don’t I believe in something…

Anyway you didn’t slap me like some have suggested…you mucked around and found away of….i don’t know…having fun with it… and I thank you…and…

…I’m just talking about myself here…now I’ve annoyed myself…now I’m slapping myself…now I have a red cheek…

Back to last night…do you remember trying to sing along to the song but not knowing the words…you looked so serious…but sounded so wonderfully silly…

…actually that’s what I like about pop music…

even though you don’t know the words you can still sing along coz the mood gives you a sense of what the song is about…

I also thought you looked cute…

Stacey.


----- Original Message -----
From: Dominique Doyle
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Saturday, May 8th, 1999 11:21 AM
Subject: RE with superb navigation

I think you’re cute too, Stacey…


Dom(inique)

How embarrassing is that!?

So anyway if it helps the Russians have a saying…’a sober man’s mind is on a drunken man’s tongue…’so maybe…though we both drunkenly raved a little…there was a little truth in what we were saying…


Warmly

Stacey

PS the poet’s name is Roger McGough (sounding like you now – ye pop culture pedant...) I love McGough’s Summer with Monika….one of favourite bits is:

38
I wanted
my castle in the air
but it vanished
without a trace

I wanted
My pie in the sky
But you gave it me
In the face

PPS I’m so sorry for using the word ‘ye’ before – ‘twas a mistake.

PPS You have a dog called Oftenbark!?

PPPS I can be a self hating girl sometimes.

PPPPS I don’t remember you trying to kiss me either...but the sentiment is sweet…the night was sweet too…

20th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Saturday, May 8th, 1999 13:43 PM
Subject: Please ignore the last e-mail

Good morning.

Gulp.

Okay I’ve had a cup of tea and bacon sandwich. I’m hung-over but lucid. I turned on the computer and looked in my sent box. To my horror I saw I’d sent you three e-mails in the wee small hours of the morning.

I read them.

I felt sick.

Please ignore it.

I’m a dick.


Dom

PS have you looked closely at the title of the last drunken email? I mistakenly called it ‘I’m so sorry prat 3’ how apt.

PPS and I’m not the only one embarrassed this morning. I had a chat with my dog, Oftenbark. He agrees. I am a dick (‘cause that tilt of the head and that look says a thousand woofs). He suggests, that for penance, I should give him five walks a day and 100 choc’ drops. My dog is so opportunistic. But I love him.

19th email

----- Original Message -----
From: Dom Borax
To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Saturday, May 8th, 1999 5:11 AM
Subject: I am so sorry prat 3

Okay still awake – actually I tried to sleep and woke in a panic.

I remembered what I wanted to say sorry about.

I think I tried to kiss you as you got into the taxi at the end of the night.

I’m not sure if you remember but it was quite cold and we stood there on Stanley Street waiting for a taxi.

We waited quite a while.
Or a least it seemed quite a while.
Or at least I remember you saying that I didn’t have to wait because it was taking quite a while.

This puzzled me.
Why would you say that?
Why would you tell me I didn’t have to wait?

I thought; ‘Is this because she doesn’t want to kiss me goodnight?’
Crazy thought, really.
You had given no indication of wanting to kiss me at all. It was just a moment of

PARANOIA!

But the thought passed because you said it was chivalrous for me to wait and that not many guys do.

But then I felt guilty.

Maybe I had hidden agenda.
Maybe I did want to kiss you.

And while this thought was going around in my head, a taxi pulled up.

But in the interim, I had managed to convince myself that I was going to be true to my subconscious and kiss you.

You opened the taxi door and I hovered.
I leaned into give you a goodbye hug, facing you.
You offered your cheek.

I kissed your cheek.
Then I kissed your cheek again.
Then I tried to kiss you cheek again.
You didn’t turn your head once.

You got into your taxi and drove away and I was left on Stanley Street berating myself for such a dick-move.

Fortunately, I got a taxi soon after. But what was once a thought of
“Kiss her, you moron…”
Soon became
“Why did you try to kiss her, you moron!?”

As soon as I got home, I let my dog, Oftenbark out and got on the computer and started typing.

And this is where we started.
I’m still a bit drunk and have run out of steam.

All that is left is the simple phrase: I’m sorry.