To: Stacey Marchenkova
Sent: Tuesday September 8th, 1999 11:16 AM
Subject: I don’t want to leave you.
Dear Stacey, I think I am addicted to you.
Over the last week I didn’t get enough of you.
I want more.
I know some would say I’ve had my fill.
But it’s not enough.
My tolerance has increased.
I need more.
See, I noticed over the last couple of days that when you left the room I started to withdraw. Even when it was the smallest of moments, I’d start to get shakey, lose a sense of self, get paranoid and truly feel sick.
How will I be when it’s days, weeks or months?
And sorry I was so grumpy on Saturday. It’s such a stupid thing to waste our precious time with a bad mood. I didn’t think it would affect me when I saw Elsa and Crisps together it hit me hard. I mean at least those craft markets have lots of places to hide but still seeing them by that pottery stall, hand in hand and laughing made me angry. Not jealous. I have to stress. It was pure anger because they had all the time in the world and we only have five days.
It’s just not fair. They don’t deserve each other.
Anyway no point on dwelling on this moment, it only takes our time away.
I should start packing, but I can’t. It all seems so much. The only thing I want to take with me is you (and maybe an extra pair of socks)