Posts
From: Stacey Marchenkova
To: dom borax < mailto:printthisplease@printthis.com >
Sent: Sunday, May 9th, 1999 19:23 PM
Subject: RE RE RE Please ignore the last e-mail
Okay buster…do you want me to tell you that I wanted to be kissed?
Do you want to me to tell you that I thought of you kissing me?
Do you want me to tell you that it hadn’t occurred to me but then I read your e-mail and I did think about you kissing me?
The truth is the sentiment of a kiss is very appealing…and that’s it…just the idea…
Not the people involved…not you…not even me…just the idea…
I know that sounds harsh…but it saves me from getting confused…
I do get confused…and I learnt that if I just focused on the idea and blurred everything around it…the world became easier to understand…
Simply I just break it down into behaviour, not personality…
For if I break it down into personality then there is you and there is me and there is us and there are the people in my past and there is my family and there are those in the public eye and there are those people you like and those you don’t like and there are the people that you see most days but never talk to…
And then I get confused and abandon all that I believe in.
Have you read Nietzsche? Or even Sylvia Plath? If you read them, you’ll get what I mean.
Not that I mean to sound mean…just being honest to my own beliefs…you know…
And I’m not cold…some say I am…but I’m not…I care so much I want to hurt myself sometimes…do you ever feel like that?
Stacey
PS Okay here’s a snippet of what I edited out of my drunken email:
“…and when we played the ‘let’s pretend we’re old people and married’ game and you confessed you had an affair, it actually hurt…even though it wasn’t real and we were riffing…it still hurt…
it was odd how it hurt…
I guess I was in the moment and truly felt the betrayal…
I remember saying that I knew…but I didn’t…it took me by surprise…
I wanted to cry (and for a split second) hit you…and then I remembered it was all a game…so to save face…I said I knew and I didn’t care…fuck, I hate my pride…”
PPS And dog name suggestion #1: Tom Woof or Virginia Woof for that matter.
(and please don’t let your dog read this email…not only is it private but I’d hate him to think I was being insensitive)
